Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
Boobs Are Not A Professional Skill

Chuck, having found the Waldorf-Sparks suite at the hotel NYU empty, has come calling Chez Waldorf, where Blair fusses with fruit and bouquets and obviously lies that she's been "tutoring a few girls from Constance," which is her attempt at depatheticking her counterrevolutionary activities through euphemism. He doesn't buy it; he's come to invite her to the premiere of Fleur, to which all the girls of the dorm have been invited. She's not interested, because it would involve socializing with people her own age rather than Constance girls, and then Dorota totally blows her spot, bringing out the blankets and stuff for the annual first-night Waldorf Sleepover.

"Fine," Blair admits, and Chuck weeps for her. "But Jenny Humphrey is destroying everything I worked for, and those girls deserve to learn the meaning of aristocracy." He tries to get her to admit that it's not about Constance, or the aristocracy, but she pretends she has no idea what she's talking about, and brushes past him. Gosh, I hope he doesn't do something fucked up and Chuck-like in order to bring her crashing back down to earth.

Dan gives Kate advice on classes, but unlike his brother/stalker, he knows what he's talking about. She eats it up, of course, and he says he's happy to share his wisdom (his words, not mine) with her, and talks about Lebanese food, and invites her out for a second night in a row before awkwardly strikethrough-retracting the invite after he's already made it, so that he can do the dorky thing and still make the point that he knows it's dorky. Classic Dan Humphrey. She says she's fine with that part, but after blowing off work last night she really can't do it tonight, and tries to make sure that he understands she's into him, but it's all complicated.

Dan Humphries again, the refractory period on this kid, about how funny and smart she is, "And... You know what, just gonna throw it out there, you're beautiful." Barf. Barf, barf, barf. And then just to underline how out of the loop he is, he acts bewildered about how "an alarming number of people" actually stop on the street just to stare at her and her hats and teeth. "And on top of that, you're refreshingly normal." She goes from wondering if he's mentally impaired to being charmed, and laughs and asks WTF that even means. "The last girl I dated, her life was never really out of the spotlight, so it made things kind of hard." What also made it hard is that I am a douchebag. I'm sure he was about to add that. Instead, Kate jumps up to get ready for the premiere, running off in a hideous plaid dress with a fringe-infected leather purse as big as the Ritz, talking about how she's not "the girl [he's] looking for," even though part of her "wishes" she were.

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Gossip Girl




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