Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
Boobs Are Not A Professional Skill

Lily giggles at the premiere, and asks why they're even there. "You really couldn't wait till it comes out in the theaters?" Holding a bag of popcorn and sodas, he talks about how it's his dream film: "Nazis and cabaret singers? It's like Casablanca meets Showgirls!" So far, so Rufus. (And actually, like with Endless Knights, it's an awesome idea for a movie, considering how Josephine Baker, like every other interesting European woman of the times, was a total French spy.) Lily asks how they got invites, and he hedges about his connection, and Serena finally appears, thanking Rufus quietly for bringing her mom. Needless to say, Rufus peaces.

Lily gives her daughter an expectant look; she is back to being totally gorgeous, with the appropriate red lipstick. Serena explains that -- since yesterday morning -- she's become a publicist or something, and thus Lily will now let her off the hook for Brown. Lily breathes, takes it in, and lays down some more straight talk: "Right, yes. Because, um, a year of parties and premieres is a worthy alternative to an Ivy league education." Instead of producing an answer, Serena whines and asks Lily to please not make her feel dumb for inviting her. To this made-up challenge nobody asked her to overcome, which was never going to impress her mother.

"Fine, no Brown talk." Noting the daughterly worry in Serena's eyes, Lily looks around them and goes, "Now tell me." It's pretty awesome how fast they switch gears; it's the one point where it actually makes sense instead of just seeming like place-holders for a real conversation that never got written. S explains about Ursula Fucking Nyquist being a slow-motion car crash and how the scene got cut, and that boss lady KC doesn't want to tell her. Instead of telling her to do her job, which is to maintain like a modicum of boundaries with the people around her because they don't give a shit about her, Lily tells Serena that since Ursula, whom she met less than twenty-four hours ago, is a true friend, she must disobey her boss and ruin the entire premiere. Thanks, vdDubs. S goes into a repetitive tailspin, so finally Lily levels, sadly: "This woman saw an opportunity to exploit your celebrity and your connections. Why else would she hire an eighteen-year-old with no skills and no college degree?" Word.

But once again, instead of having a single rational line in this entire episode, Serena just yells, "Maybe because she believes in me?" Then Ursula comes running up and thankfully interrupts the scene as follows: "Serena, please lie to me. Something is obviously going wrong and I am obviously a laughingstock. Under no circumstances should you tell what is going on. Now, what is going on?" Um... Nothing. "Whew!" All you're missing is KC in the background with her talons tented like Mr. Burns as the little angel on Serena's left shoulder succumbs to OMGBSE and starts walking around in circles. Serena leaves Lily with Rufus because, as she pointedly says, she has imaginary work to do.

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Gossip Girl




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