Olivia spots Dan lurking around in a high-traffic area, and they engage in some sort of bavardage about mistaken identities or something, who knows, it makes no goddamn sense, he's like, "I have to go find Vanessa" for no reason and she goes, "Vanessa Abrams?" also for no reason, and the scene on his face is like what the and then he figures out that Kate is Olivia is Fleur is Miley is just Hannah Montana in another wig, and somehow that makes O a bitch, of course, because it's Dan, and she runs back to the paps on the red carpet because she's at work, and Vanessa -- (Vanessa Abrams? Yes, the very same!) -- Vanessa runs up and moon-eyes at Dan, who emotes or something, and of course with their united Humphrey-Abrams powers they are still standing in the exact middle of everybody else trying to get their shit done. Getty Images tomorrow is just going to be this découpage collage of Dan's cheekbones and firm shaven décolletage and everybody is going to be like, "Who is that douche, is he slow? Is he there as a favor to somebody?" And the answer will be No. Categorically, he is not.
And now we have to watch the atrocity that is Fleur, in which Duff, wearing Jenny eyes and talking in an absurd French accent, gets some secret documents -- "From de Gaulle," UFN says helpfully, having snuck them into the cabaret with her sheet music -- and then UFN, also be-Jennyed in the eyes, offers to distract the Germans with the power of her song. But how? "How else? I'll sing." If I have to listen to Tyra Banks sing I will kill myself. I will do it. She steps forward, and then wongles awkwardly off the screen so we can watch Duff breathing and voiceovering horrifically, "I never heard her song, but I owe Josephine my life. As does France." UFN goes running out the joint, S feels sorry for her, and KC squints and makes creepy evil faces for awhile before heading back to the open bar for another helping of virgin's blood or baby brains or whatever publicists eat. Serena's entire point.
S tries to follow Ursula into the bathroom, where she's moaning like Myrtle, still acting, and KC tells her to wait, because the new plan -- which is secretly the old plan -- is to give UFN a minute and then shove her in front of the cameras, so she can have a high-profile meltdown. Makes total sense. Serena, who is just out to fucking lunch this week, is like, "But she'll be sad! We like Ursula! No sad for her!" And KC rolls her eyes and is like, "Right. Because she would have skipped the premiere, which makes us look bad. But flipping out at the premiere and making a fool of herself is great publicity for the movie, and for her, and for Olivia. What part of this do you not get?" Serena's like, "The part where I'm stupid! All of it!" KC doesn't give a whit, she just sends her ass in there to deal with UFN with a totally terrifying fierce look of purpose.