Back in her bedroom at PRADA, Serena is packing her perennial suitcase of diaphanous fabrics -- you say scarves, I say toga dresses by the fistful -- when Lily comes in with some tea and sympathy. Serena is not having that shit. She explains the throwdown with KC, and begrudgingly grumbles that Lily was apparently right. Immediately, Lily jumps in with both hands: "Well, it's for the best. You'll love Brown." Serena just about kicks her in the box and screams she's not going to effing Brown, and Lily's like, "Then why are you packing all that diaphanous fabric into your giant purses?" She reiterates how people go to college to figure out who they are, and then takes it one step further into scary grownup territory that she doesn't need to be telling people: "This need to find out who you are... Do you think anyone really knows who they are? We don't. We just live."
Ugh. Serena's like, "Give up? That's your advice?" Lily's not wrong, but it's actually the same thing. Everything that rises must converge, and all that. Tending to one's own garden; being at peace. No, it sounds like settling when you say it that way. Living is not about complacency. But there comes a point when you realize some very important shit. I don't know all the things, I probably know very few of the things, but the things I know, which number exactly four, are as follows:
1) Nobody is watching you on secret cameras, so stop worrying about it. You'd be surprised how much pointless shame you can shed every day just by looking at the fucked-up thing you did and thinking about how fucked up it was for a few minutes. Then, drink a glass of water and get the fuck over yourself.
2) Your reputation is everything, but it's also totally recoverable. People are more worried about their shit than they will ever be about yours, and are looking for any opportunity to cut you a decent break, just so they don't have to think about you anymore. Your reputation is made up entirely of acts and behaviors, as perceived by other people (only the ones whose opinions are relevant). Do a thing enough times, and that's the person you are. Everything that happens to you from the direction of other people is entirely a reaction to this person. If you don't like those reactions, do a new thing instead, and after just a few times you will magically become a new person. Monitor the new responses.
3) Generally, we only look closely at the situation when it has become untenable. That's rough, because when the situation is untenable is precisely the point at which your best bet is to accept it as it is, and think about ways to change it. Instead, when things are bad is when we're most likely to wig out and act like idiots. You can't change what is until you're willing to look at what is, the ingredients and causes, and the ingredients it contains for the next thing. It changes every second, so you might as well be in charge of that and utilize your vast opportunities to choose the next what is.