Vanessa immediately changes tack and goes, "I dated this guy once for like a really long time, like a week, and it turned out that he was the brother of my best friend/secret crush and his ex-girlfriend who tolerates my existence, and the son of my secret common-law husband Rufus. And I bugged him and bugged him to ruin all of their lives, but then he didn't. So it was kind of like how he was a movie star, and he made his own choices about his life. And that was like, so not what I wanted. So... Um, Dan is special," she wraps up finally. Olivia is just a girl, looking at this other horrible girl, waiting for her to shut it down. Then she abruptly leaves, even though they already had the conversation they're about to have, and Vanessa gets some weird stalkerly look on her face.
Blair tells Serena she can totally stay at Chez Waldorf, which is an exciting concept, and they do the reverse of the earlier scene, this time B pretending to talk to S like S was doing at the restaurant earlier: "I sound chipper? Well, I'm on my way to a meeting. Just a little club I'm starting..." There's three girls sitting on Georgie's bed when she comes in, for some reason: That girl Amalia from the sushi party, that wouldn't quit with the toro, and these twins that look really... Like, very blue-blooded? Anyway, these are the Blairs from other schools who, for whatever reason, "failed to go Ivy," and are now "wasting away in a patchouli-scented purgatory." They don't deserve it, she explains, but they don't have to put up with it. "Candide said On doit cultiver son jardin? Well, NYU is my garden, and I plan to rake and hoe and weed it until it looks exactly the way I want." The unspeaking, creepy twins nod, and Amalia commits formally to her rule.
GG starts some damned extended metaphor about how we want happy endings from the movies, but happy endings aren't real, but sometimes they are. The new Mean Girls point to a package from Chuck -- a tutor's uniform, I guess -- and she's totally moved and happy. Meanwhile, Chuck continues to talk totally dumb and out of character, and pays off the paparazzi that made Blair feel special, as per, and then goes, "Dumbo could always fly. He just needed a magic feather." The guy walks off without acknowledging that, because fuck you, weirdo.
Ursula is wearing a business suit and has discovered her true self or some shit, and has threatened to leave KC's agency if she fires Serena. So now Serena has a job and maybe will find herself, or something chill and friendly like that. Ursula is touchingest motherfucker on the planet. I think she literally shines every inch of Serena in this scene. Uncomfortably affectionate? Total lack of boundaries? Yes sir.