Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
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Boobs Are Not A Professional Skill

That felt really good to get off my chest. So Blair interrupts them to ask after the Masters Of The Universe Society, explaining helpfully that the guys she's looking after are Wall Streeters using the name. "Not that I give two hoots about finance, I just need to know that in this misbegotten corner of Manhattan, that wealth, ambition and moral laxity are still alive and well." The most adorable nerd in the entire universe calls her "young lady," and explains that she has found them: "A society dedicated to promulgating the philosophical and political messages contained in the 1981-83 cartoon featuring He-Man. We also do role-playing." The guy is seriously cute, depending on if you can handle the kind of band-geek mouth that collects those little white spit bubbles in the corners sometimes. It doesn't happen onscreen but you can totally tell. Blair flees like a mother, while the other ones get up his ass about mentioning role-playing in front of her. If they only knew how sad her sex life is, they'd have her in Teela snake-lady getup in five seconds flat. And Chuck would probably love it, because he's gross.

Blair, in cute grey-black stripes because she's in jail, immediately sits and calls Chuck from another table to tell him once again that NYU is hell. "What do you expect from a place where the men wear sandals?" Chuck exposits for us that Georgina's cover story for her Scott mission from last week is once again that she's visiting her parents in Connecticut for the week, because that's how Gallatin works I guess. "How can I rule over people I don't understand? It's hopeless!" Blair dreamily reminds him that it's the first day of school at Constance, and they reverently remember how she used to "mortar and pestle all those hopeful young spirits." He tells her to chill and wait for her day to come, and she's wistful about how Constance will never change.

But of course it will. Dressed more bizarrely than Serena on her most dress code-flouting day, Jenny climbs all over Eric on their walk to school babbling about how there will be no hierarchy, no more Mean Girls, no more copying how the Queen dresses. (The last one, you would think, is a safe bet.) "It's gonna be a new era of sunlight and fairness!" When a Humphrey says shit like that you know two things: 1) They are going down in a hail of bullets; 2) It's going to be fun to watch. Even when it's Jenny. Eric points out that sunlight and fairness are poison to Blair Waldorf, and not the reasons she picked Jenny as her successor. He says "successor" weird. I love it when van der Woodsens say words. Just in case you were wondering, we learn that Jonathan is at fencing camp in Torino. Because that's how St. Jude's works, I guess.

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Gossip Girl

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