Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
Boobs Are Not A Professional Skill

A trio of highly unacceptable Mean Girl replacements suddenly come running right at them -- "That's disturbing," Eric notes -- dressed in crazy couture with like neon crinolines and Little J raccoon eyes and a million necklaces and these little charms around their necks: 1, 2, and 3. And here I was just mourning the passing of the monarchy, but if it means these girls go down in the revolution, then viva. I don't care for them. One of them says their names, which don't at all matter, and then they promise to help Jenny get "exactly" what she wants this year, and are looking forward to her ruling the school "with an iron fist." Jenny instructs them, in a horrified Humphrey manner, to go wash off their eyes -- she's still rocking a smoky eye, no matter how many times they tell us she's not, I don't know what they're trying to pull -- and then tells them to collect "everyone" so she can give her first fireside chat. Eric teases her a little bit, but it's all of such obviously little consequence that neither of them can really manage to care.

"That is absolutely unacceptable!" Rufus yells at Serena, smashing his hand down on a table while Serena perches awkwardly with her hand in that giant Buddha's lap. She shakes her head. "My mom would never hit the table like that. She would put her fingers to her forehead and do that, like, Why are you doing this to me? thing." Rufus nods, and then does an eerily perfect Lily impression. Serena goes again: "Okay, um... Mom, I have decided not to go to Brown." ("Oh, Serena," he sighs, with his fingers at his temple.) "I... Please know that I've put a lot of thought into this..." She's distracted again by Rufus's acting. "I'm sorry. She would just only do the forehead thing for a second, then she would look to the side and do these little head shakes, you know?" Rufus points out that the point of the exercise is to practice coming clean about Brown, not to critique his entirely frightening Lily impression, and then points out the role-playing motif of this episode once again, in case you missed it.

Serena admits she's stalling and distracted because she's nervous, and then deftly asks when Rufus is going to tell her about the whole Scott Drama. Which... Was not a drama, as far as anybody knows, because all that really happened was some random guy infiltrated all their lives under a false identity in order to find out shit that wasn't his business, which is something that happens every ten minutes on this show. Even still, Rufus is not telling her shit until his human shield takes the first hit about this Brown stuff. Little does he know that, as the parent and thus HBIC, the Brown thing is still his fault.

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Gossip Girl




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