Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
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Boobs Are Not A Professional Skill

Her pitch is the usual you'd expect -- UES childhood, always interested in fashion/art, Constance grad, deferred Brown not that fashion is a fallback, she'll work for nothing -- which is the best face you can put on her situation, and still not that acceptable. Todd likes that she's "serious" about it, but like, nobody actually believes that she's serious about it. After Tory Burch makes a sad face at her, she heads off to Hundred Acres and has the following conversation with absent Blair: "Why do you sound so happy? What do you mean, you had to quell a revolution? Blair, I gotta go. I'll call you later." All of which is serviceable, if boneheaded and tone-deaf. No, the real problem is the thing that happens at the beginning of the montage, when gorgeous Tory Burch goes:

"You came highly recommended by Anna Wintour. I was happy to make the time!"

The fuck she did, and the fuck you did. That is retarded. I am Serena's biggest cheerleader on the planet, but give me a damn break. Anna would take one look at those breasts and tell Serena to come back when she was done being a spectacle. Or at least when she was no longer an eighteen-year-old socialite without even anecdotal experience at doing anything whatsoever.

Well, wait. Horse rustler she can do. And she can model like the dickens. What else? Raising a bid paddle at Sotheby's at appropriate intervals. Life coach, marriage therapist, crisis-suicide-bulimia-sexuality counselor. Putting Up With Dan, Blair, Lily, Chuck; TCB with Georgina on the reg. Various spy skills, including a surprising amount of experience at planning/executing extortion-ring sting operations. Coordinated enough for a jitney fuck, but cannot locate Santorini given two years and a boat. Able to produce plane tickets to Dubai out of thin air. Killed a dude.

I think that Serena can do anything, and I'm sure she will prevail, but you can't just throw fashion words at fashion people and hope they'll stick: "Sure, come work at the White House! You come highly recommended by Sonia Sotomayor, who knows who the hell you are, has nothing better to do, and thinks you have a real head for international policy." If Serena had Anna Wintour on her side she'd never have had to have the demeaning conversations with Rufus and Lily and Lily-Rufus in the first place.

Well, at least Serena has discovered the double-edged sword that is Page Six It Girlism: "They all want me to come to their parties, but none of them want me to actually work for them." Not that they would anyway, because... Never mind. So then she sits down and gets off the phone with B for no real reason, and stares into space while eavesdropping on Olivia, who is yelling at her publicist KC for the obvious reasons: She's just a girl, looking at a publicist, asking her to stop doing her job.

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Gossip Girl

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