Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | Grade It Now!
Boobs Are Not A Professional Skill

KC tells her to stop being stupid, and Olivia tells her to stop doing her job, and this goes on forever and ever. KC explains that this grab for legitimacy is more likely to bear fruit in the form of her new movie, Fleur, which is Oscar-bait in the way that Endless Knights, while awesome, is not. Olivia is not having this. KC reminds her sixty times about how she's going to be on Larry King tonight; somewhere, somebody is doing the same for Larry King.

When Olivia stands up, the paparazzi jump out of nowhere and start with the click click flash and Serena -- spy skills, remember -- clears her throat and says hi. Olivia barks at her, and then apologizes after Serena shoots her a great the fuck you did face, and says hello more nicely, and then recognizes Serena and compliments her Met Ball dress, and Serena gives her a gracious smile and humble thanks and I bet that's just what Blake Lively is like in real life, and S tells O to leave through the kitchen, which nobody else would have thought of, like, ever. This episode is dumb. Then, because of this amazing ass-pull where she knows what a kitchen is, KC offers her a job in publicity. Which is ludicrous enough that even the show knows it, but not dumbass Serena, who is still a little bit convinced that her fame powers equal real powers. Like poor Bono.

Afternoon at Constance, where those three nondescript girls are standing on a bench issuing degrees in jewel-bright RGB headbands which Eric notes -- either figuratively or, if somebody really fucked up, literally -- are monogrammed with a little BW. Girls cry and flee, and one of them goes, "This is not a democracy, ladies. Everyone does not get a voice, and that's okay!" Sure is. Jenny throws a fit at them and does some kind of Gödel maneuver in her head where she thinks she can make people follow her orders about not following orders, and one of them laughs at her "cute little attempt at Perestroika," and instructs her that the ancien régime has won out against the Jacobins once again: "Queens, hierarchy and no Brooklyn wannabes." (Well, at least they learned the word hierarchy from this experience, that's something. I wonder if everybody at Constance gets a sticker whenever they use that word today?) One of the counterrevolutionaries calls her "Little J" and peaces out this little Bay of Pigs, and Jenny and Eric wig out and understand that Blair's been going to French history after all.

Dan and Nate have a paper-thin conversation meant to convey that Bree is visiting family in Texas w/r/t her upcoming murder of/threesome with Carter Baizen, and that Nate is not a stellar wingman, because all he wants to do is tease Dan about not getting digits from "Kate," but instead of mentioning the dealbreaker fedora, he just threatens not to help Nate with his Hawthorne paper, and Nate apologizes and says quote, "You just expect more game from the guy who dated Serena van der Woodsen."

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Gossip Girl




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