So good! The law of Conservation of Awesome is in full effect as Nate and Chuck's absence and presumable canoodling on the coast make way for major Humphrey fun. S flakes out on B's annual slumber party to go on a "real date" with Dan, so B invites little Jenny Humphrey instead. Dan cashes in all his nickels and dimes to take Serena to a tony restaurant and freaks out in predictable ways, but manages to be totally charming while he's doing it. S pays for the dinner on the sly, but instead of wigging out like always happens on TV shows, he agrees to her logic and takes her to a dive bar instead, where they play pool and are adorable. Meanwhile, Lily has reneged on her plan to let Eric come home for the weekend, depressing him further. Blair's insane sleepover -- which starts at baseline with Kati and Isabel making out -- ramps up in a Truth Or Dare way, to the point where she's pretending hilariously to be a celebutante on serious drugs so that Jenny can smuggle Eric out of the Ostroff Center. Team Blair head to a club where Jenny more than proves her Mean Girl skills, causing the breakdown of a relationship with a simple phone call.
Lily hears about Eric's escape and thinks Serena's to blame, but because Serena forgot her phone, Lily and Rufus get to do the French Farce Tango yet again. Rufus sends S and Lonelyboy on yet another date-turned-rescue mission, and Lily shows up Chez Humphrey wigging out. They cook together in a really comfortable, romantic way, and she finally spills the beans about Eric's suicide attempt. Just as they're getting close, Lily accidentally answers the phone -- Rufus's estranged wife Alison -- but it's okay: earlier, Rufus got a strange man when he was calling her, so he's feeling no guilt about entertaining Alison's old rival. Dan and Serena locate Eric, Jenny, and the rest of Team Blair at the club, there are fisticuffs and craziness, but Dan lets Jenny go off with Blair so that he and Serena can take Eric back to Ostroff -- where Lily finally decides to check him out for good. Jenny gets punk'd and locked inside Eleanor's store but bullshits the cops impressively, showing back up at the sleepover and telling B she can stuff her stupid soiree, but they'll be having BFF coffee Monday morning. Blair, Gossip Girl, and yours truly all fall head-over-heels in love with Jenny Humphrey, and Dan and Serena finally kiss a whole lot. What a perfectly satisfying hour of television! WATCH THIS SHOW!
My my, doesn't Blair look effective today. She's wearing an intense battle pony and a black suit that is possibly bedazzled. There are cupcakes and all kinds of brightly-colored food, makeup, racks of clothes, and a boa on a mirror. I'm so confused, Gossip Girl! What's the story? "With Blair's boyfriend Nate helping to close up the family yacht for the season, Blair is free to focus on the most important event of the fall: her annual sleepover. A tradition since the year 2000, each one more decadent than the last, no expense or reputation is spared. With everything from trundle beds to truffles in place, all that's missing is sleepover star and Waldorf BFF Serena van der Woodsen..." Well, and rape star and recapper BFF Chuck, but I guess you covered that with your Nate euphemism. I'm sure Chuck's closing up his family yacht real nice. There's a full rack of clothes for each of the guests, but the best one is, of course, Serena's, because "Serena" here is metonymy and the real thing that is coming to the party is Blair's total dissatisfaction with life. Plus, even if you don't know what "metonymy" means, you can tell by the gorgeous, overjoyed smile on Blair's face that she is fucked.
Rufus is hanging stuff in his gallery when Dan comes by with a giant bag of change that he's going to Coinstar into romance, because Dan is many things but one of them is always "kinda sad." He offers to take the check from his mom's art therapy sale last week to the bank, and Rufus avoids the question so they can have a conversation about Dan's Ninja Turtle Donatello piggy bank. "How long can a man have a piggy bank and still call himself a man?" Dan asks, and as usual when he tries to get man info from his dad, it's not really rhetorical. He looks great, though, and that's what's important. "This is Serena van der Woodsen! I can't just take her to a movie, I want this to be perfect." Okay, I don't care if it's six pounds of krugerrands, you're not impressing me with a bag of change. Upgrade to a bank account, Humphreys.
Rufus hems and haws about the check, because the check desperately wants to be a symbol of how Dan's the only one who's figured out that Allison is never coming back, and Rufus can't handle it. Rufus wants to drive the check upstate to Hudson and hand it to her himself, which will obviously cause her to climb into his pants and their imaginary marriage will finally turn real again. But Dan's too nice to explain that, so he makes reference to some absurd Seinfeldian joke about Allison's thirtieth birthday, which involved a clown and his llama. No, it didn't. Dumb. Rufus is sufficiently swayed by his suspension of disbelief that this actually ever happened, and agrees to call her first.