Serena and Dan stare about Visconti and Amanda shows up, shoving Serena all, "Are you Claire?" And Serena's great: "What? No?" She shrugs it off and they head down to the bar, where Amanda is going apeshit on Hedge Fund Mafia guy. He realizes somebody ran off with his phone, and gets really aggro with Blair, so Dan arrives just in time to jump in the middle of it. Blair is not really amused, preferring to take the guy down herself: "Your phone is at our table. If you weren't so drunk and drooling over every girl in this place, you would've seen that." She gives Amanda a similar takedown, and S tries to get between them, but B's not feeling that either. Little Jenny Humphrey pipes up and cops to calling Amanda, horrifying Dan, and everybody talks over everybody else, about the sleepover and all that, and Blair admits she's the one that made out with the guy, on a dare. "A dare? What are you, children?" Dan points out that actually, yes, because Jenny's all of fourteen, and there's more yelling. Jenny tells him, correctly, that he's just making the situation worse, and he refers to her yellow dress as a "cocktail napkin," and then there are more fisticuffs, and Dan is ejected from the club. Meanwhile, Eric strolls up all, "See, Serena? Everything's fine!" She grabs him and heads outside as well, and Gossip Girl smirks about Dan's hero complex while Blair just sighs and takes another drink.
Lily and Rufus cook together, awesomely, handing plates and bottles back and forth in a complex choreography that sells their chemistry and history in a way that five episodes of awkward exposition never did. They chat about Lily's control issues, and how Rufus never complained about her bossiness because it was not allowed under said bossiness, and Rufus says that he thinks kids just want to have their boundaries made clear to them. Lily agrees that Serena is clearly looking for a relationship, but she's at a loss with Eric. "You're awfully concerned about a 14-year-old boy breaking curfew," Rufus says, and Lily finally admits that it's not Lily's curfew he's breaking, but that of the Ostroff Center. "Is it drugs? Drinking?" He gets really intent on her face now, and she's like, "No, he's a good kid. Just lonely." He asks if Eric's depression is really bad, and she even spills about the suicide attempt. Rufus is quietly devastated by this info. "No, I don't know why. I don't know what I did, or didn't do, but I just don't know what to do to...make sure it doesn't happen again." I never really thought Lily was being a bitch about it, because this is very serious business, but of course this is a very important scene to have because you never really heard Lily's side of this, and it's a very scary side. Not to mention that suicide is constantly being tossed around on TV and everywhere so you forget what a BFD it actually is, or what it does to everybody around the person, and they've not really been selling that part until now. Of course, making this point now means we get to be worried about Eric's inevitable freak-out coming down the pike, too. "All you can do is be there for them," Rufus piths, and then the phone rings. "Oh, I hope that's Dan or Serena," Lily says, and of course it's Dan. "He's with Dan and Serena, and everyone's fine." Lily immediately makes for the door, but Rufus stalls for just the second necessary for her to chill out and realize she's got a good thing going here. "This isn't gonna travel well. Why don't I just stay here and I can eat it quickly? It would be a shame to let it go to waste." Aww. You know what is awesomer than sexy Lily and sexy Rufus having sexy French farce run-ins? Lily getting to have a friend.
Serena jumps up Eric's ass down on the street, but Blair's like, "He was bored. He needed fun." Serena points out that "fun" in this case meant taking tweens to the bar, but Blair's like, "I thought you'd be happy!" Serena is just appalled and turns into her mom, such that even Eric is like, "I wasn't kidnapped, Serena, I left of my own free will. Blair was trying to do me a favor." Blair is vindicated, but S is still not impressed. He tells her it was worth getting in trouble, just to be out after dark and talk to somebody that's not Lily or Serena. "Even if it is Blair." (Inevitable but hilarious No Offense/None Taken with Blair, who is loving every second of it. I want Blair and Eric to hang out every single night, they are awesome together.) Serena softens and apologizes that this was his only option. "We'll work on Mom," she promises. Just like every episode. "...And since she knows you're okay, I guess there's no real reason to rush. How about we walk?" Blair almost barfs at the thought and heads back in: "Call me!" S says she will, but B and Eric grin hugely: "I was talking to Eric." Love how the parallel structure is like, "Family freak-out! Family freak-out! ...Fuck it, let's have dinner."