The login email is SvetlanaSparks, another absolutely gorgeous touch if you think about it. Potential everywhere up in here this week.

EMPIRE

Nate: "How's it going?"
Chuck: "I think maybe I have remembered that mysterious tattoo from the many times I've seen my uncle naked, due to us having sex near and on top of each other ever since I was a little child."
Nate: "I'm not sure I understand."
Monkey: "Fuckin'... Are you guys for real?"
Chuck: "What I'm saying is, I think Jack Bass is my father."
Nate: "But wait, who is your mother?"
Monkey: "NOBODY CARES. NOBODY EVER CARED. JESUS."
Nate: "Okay, wait. Can you start over?"

NEXT WEEK

Chuck and Nate, simply dumbfounded about what to do next, entreat Blair for help, so of course she dresses up like Diana Payne in some kind of scheme. I have a feeling this one's going to be great.

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, most recently A Friday Night Lights Companion and Fringe Science.