Lola: "For a show all about parents, and like everybody has a million parents and sixty secret siblings, it's funny that nobody on this show was actually raised by parents, in any significant way. Just wolves and kidnappers and molesters and immigrants."
Wm vdW: "That's the downside to being in the 1%. There's just one, but it's a doozy! Listen, if you want to tell everybody about us, I'm down with that. I am positive I will suffer no ill consequences, and Serena will probably snatch you bald, but it's your call."
Lola: "No, I'm still quite paranoid, for obvious reasons."
Lily: "Rufus! Is that your name? Of course it is. Rufus Humphrey. I am drunk as hell right now, so I dropped by to bring you a bottle of bubbly bribe."
Rufus: "Are you willing to suffer more of my self-righteous emotional abuse?"
Lily: "Right now you could stick a fork in my arm, not sure I would feel it, so do your worst."
Rufus: You fuckin' know it.
His eyes light up like she just offered him a threesome with Stephin Merrit and he lays the hell into her, then escorts her to the door -- after nearly forcing her to drink champagne out of common tumblers -- with the most amazing exit line of all time, essentially, "Don't come back until you're ready to pretend your money is 'our' money again."
WM VDW HOTEL
Serena, lurking: "Back in town so soon? From a minute ago? And more importantly, lunching with Lola?"
Wm vdW: "I bonded with my 'niece' at CeCe's wake, and I feel sorry for her for being related to us."
Serena: "Okay, but why did you lie about being in town?"
Wm vdW: "Because I didn't want a bunch of this bullshit right here, basically."
Serena: "What about Fake Dinner?"
Wm vdW: "I don't want a lot of Rufus's bullshit either."
Serena: "Well, but please come. For me. And I'll invite Lola, too."
Wm vdW: "Then I will start drinking now. I know how this show works."
Secretary: "Any news on Jack Bass's whereabouts?"
Nate: "No, but thanks for asking!"
When Lola walks into a room, she keeps freaking me out looking like Jenny.
Lola: "Hey, I just found out who my dad is and I had lunch with him in public and now I want to talk to somebody about it, so I thought, hey, why not visit my ex-boyfriend at his place of business? After all, I recently pissed him off by exposing his best friend's own tortured parentage."
Nate: "Believe it or not, this is an ongoing thing with Chuck."
Lola: "Wait, really? That's ludicrous."
Nate: "Yeah, I know, but it happened. Keeps happening. There were ladies running around graveyards, a roaming hooker-nanny with a candle, sex people in masks, Carter Baizen of course, a madwoman hired and brainwashed by one Uncle Jack Bass..."