Gossip Girl
Despicable B

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: C+
If There Is I Haven't Found It Yet

Wm vdW: "Good thing we're both so trustworthy!"

Serena: "This is my happy face!"


After a literary circle-jerk that doesn't last too long, Dan's invited to speak, so of course Blair gets right up in that shit and starts talking. Everybody's like, "She's Despicable! But it must be said, also very Highbrow." She tells them how despicable and highbrow she is, tosses the Young Lions an endowment, and then tries to make everybody slow-clap her, and it's vomitous. Dan is disgusted by his girlfriend's insane, shitty, behavior and -- needless to say -- fully erect by the time she stops talking.


Everybody: "This Fake Dinner is going so great!"
Lily: "I can fix that."
Serena: "I can't believe you even served dinner Family Style. You are such a dork."
Lily: "It's very important in our family to share."
Carol: "Bitchy Eighties reference about stealing leg warmers!"
Lily: "Yeah, or the time you had a baby with my husband."
Lola: "Holy shit."

Serena: "Uh, I guess I'm the Lily this time? You need to back your shit down."
Lily: "No, honey. Mommy's very drunk. Listen, Social Register, this bitch used an imposter to steal my niece's trust fund..."
Carol: "Okay, well, I'm just going to go."
Lily: "Not at all, my friend. I have these cops stashed behind the couch."
Cops: "Hey, guys!"

Carol: "Okay, but Ivy would never back your story. She's not going down for this either."
Lily: "I also have Ivy stashed behind the couch."
Ivy: "Hey, guys! I already gave a statement regarding your criminal fraud, so I get off scot-free."
Serena: "I still haven't gotten the memo that it's okay for you to be alive yet, so that pisses me off."
Lola: "I have the most embarrassing family in the universe."

Lily: "Lola, calm down. What's a little jail time for a bitch like your mother?"
Carol: "She's got me there. Just remember that I fucked your husband because he hated you as much as I did."
Lola: "This just keeps getting classier."
Wm vdW: "Lola, I'm sorry this got so weird..."
Serena: "And you can just shut the fuck up, Daddy. Stop treating her nicely."

Everybody scatters, leaving just Lola at the center of much scandal to be offended by. For somebody who writes off these people at least twice an episode she sure does find herself right in the middle of their bullshit at least that often, huh? I know it's plot mechanics, but I also can't seem to stop identifying her with Vanessa Abrams, and it makes me want somebody to hit her all the time.

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Gossip Girl




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