Rufus: "Where is this hypocrisy coming from? Where the fuck do you get off being so judgmental?"
(For real. He actually wants to know the answers to these questions.)
Dan: "You, all right? I learned it by watching you!"

They go on and on, but they're both such morally bankrupt assholes that it's like watching a parakeet attack a mirror. Dan runs off to find somebody else to fuck over, and Rufus immediately calls Ivy to yell at her, because she is the closest woman in earshot.

BACKSTAGE

Nate and Sage hit on each other and it's dumb. Blair shows up and drags Sage away to put her in "something Serena might like even better," which sounds schemy, but I never saw the trick behind it. Left alone, Nate grabs one of his advertisers and thanks her for taking a risk on his imaginary company.

Erica: "Dan Humphrey's inaugural serial, good get! I'm sure his piece next week will do even better. For Vanity Fair, where he is publishing it."
Nate: "What? But I don't own that. What?"

See? Dan Humphrey is fucking exhausting.

ALSO SO IS SAGE

Who gets to the end of the runway before shucking her dress and running around in burlesque-y underwear, which causes everybody to flip out into a fairly devastating "Emperor's New Clothes" indictment of the circle jerk of fashion.

People: "...And different! She pulls it off... I like it..."
Serena: "Fuck you decadent creeps! Have you lost your damn minds? This isn't fashion-forward, or provocative, or couture, it's... It's exploitation, and it's embarrassing!"
People: "Maybe she has a point. We are pretty gross people. Maybe Blair's just as gross as we are, and this whole thing is a disaster and not genius like we told each other for no reason. You're always 50/50 with fashion."

Even Alexa Chung (I LOVE YOU GIRL) is like, "This is weird. I have to go back to my eleven other jobs and not be in this pretend fake fashion show." Blair is sad to see her go. I'm more enraged that we only got one line out of her. I was picturing, like, a fistfight with Poppy Lifton or a fashion shoot where she gives Sage some wise styling advice or something. Some sage advice if you will.

DUMBO

Ivy: "I was just trying to protect you, I thought the Spectator would retract it. Or I mean, like, un-blog it. Or whatever they do."
Rufus: "It's cool that you wanted to stand up for me, but getting between me and my son is a bad idea."
Ivy: "I wasn't thinking about the consequences! I am just impulsive, because of how I am a child and you should not be fucking me. See how the many things are related?"
Rufus: "There are other ways to fight back. Online petitions, protest songs on my guitar..."
Ivy: "How's that worked out so far, Sunshine? The only way to deal with the world of the Upper East Side is to fight fire with fire. Dan may have been an innocent Brooklyn boy once, but while you weren't looking, he became as ruthless as any Park Avenue prince. And now we have to set him on fire."
Rufus: "Not listening. I'm just happy the truth came out without me having to sack up or be a man about it in any way."
Ivy: "Yes, I'm very flattered by that as well."