Blair: "Oh, my problems! Oh, my health problems and mental ones! And fashion! Damn that Serena for pointing out how stupid fashion people are, making me look like a pedophile. No better than Rufus, am I."
Chuck: "How about some sex murder voice talking?"
Blair: "Yes, and also some champagne."
GG: "Tolstoy wrote that all famil..."
Nope. How insulting. After six years I can't believe you haven't said that shit before now, you fucking hack. Chuck and Blair's stupid nonexistent baby thinks that's weak sauce.
Steven: "Way to handle my awful daughter, lady. I love how it's all we ever talk about, ever."
Serena: "Whatever keeps me in diaphanous scarves and clothing that covers less than half of my body, mister. I've put up with way worse than this."
GG: "See, because of Tolstoy or something. Or is her Gordian Knot of the Berry Farm variety?"
Sage: "Hey, buddy. Ready for me to rub these bones all over your skin?"
Nate: "I got this priest haircut to make it creepier for when we do it."
GG: "Now I'm wildly swinging over into a metaphor about doggies out of nowhere. Or is the style Nate's into more of the Gangnam variety?"
Bartender: "So like are you gay, or...?"
Dan: "That's just my hair and outfit talking. And the fact that I'm kinda gay. Fill 'er up."
Nelly Yuki out of nowhere: "So, you're turning evil."
Dan: "Get outta here turning. Have you ever seen me in a relationship?"
Nelly Yuki: "I would like to see you in a relationship on the floor with my pants. Or wait... No, I meant... Do you want to come live with me? In a dungeon?"
Dan: "-- Hey look, actual women."
Actual Women approach. Nelly Yuki is so scary she's like the person that watches Georgina watch Dan sleep. She's the monster at the end of the book. The little person in the red hood that runs all over Rome and turns out to be a big surprise.
Actual Women: "My dad got me a walk-on line on this show nobody gives a shit about anymore. I acted like I was acting excited, but I made sure he knew I was only pretending. That'll show him. I said That'll show you, Dad!"
GG: "Or are Lonelyboy's complaints about to finally be less of the Portnoy variety?"
Chuck, just because: "Dave the bodyguard drove Bart to meet someone that weekend named [get this] Lady Alexander. Dave wasn't in the meeting, so that's all he could tell me. I don't know who she is, what she does, or even where to start looking for her."
("...But I'm pretty sure she's my mother." Lol.)
Blair: "Well, I'm happy to help. We are the same Powerful Woman now that I have lost Serena. Let's toast that by boning."
Chuck: "You've had too much champagne to make a change in our plan. I would never, ever, EVER take advantage of a woman who has had too much champagne. EVER. These girls rape so easy these days."
GG: "Or are Chuck's rapes of the more legitimate variety these days? A little birdie told us a woman's body has ways of shutting that down. XOXO."