NEXT WEEK

Hurricane Sandy: "I'm hopelessly devoted to getting this show preempted. Better shape up and push it to next week. Disappointed? Tell me about it, stud."

BUT THEN

Lady Alexander proves to be both shocking and obvious, I'm sure. Sage ages another hundred years and tosses some more bullshit Serena's way. Steven is befuddled by some things. Nate forgets he's mad at Dan for actually fucking him over this time, and whatever. Blair and Chuck dry hump through a duvet. Nelly Yuki starts carving strange shapes into Dan's flesh up in Bushwick and nobody even notices he's gone, and that's the end of Dan. Meanwhile, Ivy's horrific plan for Rufus and Lily and Bart and each of their cumulative eighty children is finally revealed.

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife and Homeland for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, his novel The Urges, and a novelette, "The Commonplace Book," appeared this month on Tor.com.