Serena: "She's right, you know. And don't even get me started on my dad stuff..."
Steven: "How about gettin' started on my 'dad stuff'?"
Serena: "You just connected some dots for me, actually. Yikes."
Steven: "But seriously, sorry my daughter is so horrible. Maybe we should break up so you won't notice that I have nothing going on, in addition to being old and incredibly gullible."
Serena: "Why am I being punished for your shitty daughter?"
Steven: "For the next plot twist, where you offer to mentor her in the Ways of the Rhodes Women."
Serena: "An affliction I have longed to pass on for nigh these many decades. I accept your challenge. All I need's your credit card. Oh, and an ATM card for when we get to the 'buying drugs' part."

BASS APT

Nate: "I heard you on the phone earlier this morning. I couldn't really tell if it was Blair or Uncle Jack, because of how you always talk exactly the same, like a sex murderer."
Chuck: "It was Uncle Jack. His 'people on the ground in Dubai' are helping me track down the blah blah blah that blah blah."
Nate: "See, like right now I feel like we're about to have sex or you're going to kill me."
Chuck: "We got a partial plate off the blah blah and the restaurant it was blah blah."

Dan comes slumping in looking like the ghost of Slacker Past despite wearing a t-shirt and slumpy wool pajama pants that cost more than most of my either. How can somebody with a body like that be so inimical to its appearance? Damned insulting. Meanwhile though, Nate has the haircut of I Claudius and he's wearing a tie and jacket and "working" on a laptop, and Chuck's wearing your basic grey wool suit, a spankin' new Hitler Youth high & tight, and four different shades of purple. Now yeah, it's probably like nine in the AM, but man. If you're crashing with Nate Archibald at the Empire, you up your game. Like, you can't really bitch about Chuck thinking he's better than you when what you are telling the world with your demeanor and presentation is: he is right.

And to add insult to injury, Monkey is following him around. Which I am sure gets Chuck's goat, even though you and I both know it's because Dan smells like he's got cured meats in those pockets. His hair alone, I... Dan Humphrey is exhausting. We are never getting back together.