Nate: "It's the blue balls, Dan. Don't take it personal."
Dan, verbatim: "Chuck's barbs don't bother me..."

Like, ever. Get outta here with your "Chuck's barbs." Exhausting.

Dan: "Anything beats having Georgina watch me sleep."
Nate: "That joke never gets old. I also have the attention span of a hamster, so most things stay pretty fresh. Pretty, um, swag."
Dan: "I'm just glad that only one of us is homeless at any given time."
Nate: "Well, as your roommate and publisher and former lover and current haberdasher, I want to be the first to tell you a thing you already knew, which is that we are publishing your serial thing where you basically took your boring book and boring Gossip Girl and smashed them together into a newer, more boring thing."
Dan: "I never thought about it that way, old chap. You're right. I am the gossipest of the gossip girls now, plus the horribleness of Dan. What a mutant we have foisted."
Nate: "Do you think you should call the poor bastard you're 'skewering'?"
Dan: "Get outta here 'skewering.' Who talks like this?"

DUMBO

Ivy: "How are things with our mysterious life together and our routine that involves art galleries in some way that we never clarified? And who will be your date to whatever? I nominate myself, Ivy Charlotte Rhodes Serena van der Woodsen Peepers Dickens."
Rufus: "I'm not sure I want people to know I'm a pedo quite yet. Cold feet about people knowing that. Maybe I'm being silly."
Ivy: "Well, did you get permission from your children?"
Rufus: "Jenny sent her wholehearted blessing, but I haven't 'connected' yet with Dan."
Ivy: "How out of the loop are you, on a scale of..."
Rufus: "I still think he's in Tuscany?"
Ivy: "Oh, girl. ...Actually, look what just updated, my ex-boyfriend's app he thinks is a newspaper. It says Dan saw us fucking."
Rufus: "So I guess he's back from Tuscany."

WALDORF

Jean-Pierre: "Who is our new It Girl? She is impossible to find! I have called all of our contacts! They say there is no more It!"
Blair: "This is New York, we'll find something."
Jean-Pierre: "Perhaps this laissez-faire attitude is ..."
Blair: "I told you no French in this house."
Jean-Pierre: "What about that girl up there in that photo shoot? Not the prim one like a bookcase, the other one. Serena. Not you, Blair. Serena. The other one. The one that is not you."