Oh, speaking of dialogue I'm still upset by a week later:
Nate: "Elton John won $150,000 from The Sunday Mirror and all they wrote was, he was on some sort of diet where he chewed his food but didn't swallow."
Dan: "Well, don't worry. I'm pretty sure my father swallows."
...What? What does that mean? What do you mean when you say that? Are you calling him fat? Is that a waffle joke? Because you're a nasty little guy, Dan Humphrey, and we're talking about your father's sex life, and you're standing there with Nate Archibald, Successful Prosti-tadpole, and so all that together sounds like, well, it sounds like your father sucks dicks. And I'm putting that as delicately as possible.
Now, far be it from me... No, you know what? Not gonna bother. I'm not going to give you that much, show. Just gonna roll with it.
Nate: "This is why I said you should call them."
Dan: "And it's why I didn't! My father is not naturally litigious. And if we actually had a civil trial, like, he would have to talk about fucking that girl on my sofa, with my Cabbage Patch doll staring at them. Looking like her. Honestly, he just wants to give me one of his bullshit Rufus Humphrey Speeches and go back to eating jam. And sucking cock."
Blair: "Wow, that scene where Dan talked about his father blowing dudes seemed really long, but I'm amazed that you managed to create a whole fashion show during it!"
Chuck: "I have the power of Satan and infinite money, baby. But Uncle Jack just called me about the..."
Blair: "Nobody cares, babe. Just go take care of it so we can be Powerful Women... Oh great, and now this bitch."
Serena: "Put this kid in your fashion show."
Serena: "Sage, do not fuck this up."
Sage: "Serena, I will most certainly be fucking this up. You halfwit."
Blair deals with the paps. They are the saddest paps for having to cover a fake pretend fashion show, but she gives good face and so they linger.
Steven: "Serena, when I said extracurriculars I thought you knew I meant, like Mathletes. Or dressage. Maybe like a mock government of some..."
Serena: "Uh, modeling is just as good as those things. Think about who you're talking to. Think real hard."
Steven: "Okay, but I have to make a quick gay joke about Anderson Cooper."
Serena: "That's my old man. Always timely with the zingers."