Gossip Girl
Dirty Rotten Scandals

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: B+
YOLO Technology

Ivy: "I wasn't thinking about the consequences! I am just impulsive, because of how I am a child and you should not be fucking me. See how the many things are related?"
Rufus: "There are other ways to fight back. Online petitions, protest songs on my guitar..."
Ivy: "How's that worked out so far, Sunshine? The only way to deal with the world of the Upper East Side is to fight fire with fire. Dan may have been an innocent Brooklyn boy once, but while you weren't looking, he became as ruthless as any Park Avenue prince. And now we have to set him on fire."
Rufus: "Not listening. I'm just happy the truth came out without me having to sack up or be a man about it in any way."
Ivy: "Yes, I'm very flattered by that as well."


Nate: "Why does Erica think Vanity Fair is publishing the rest of your serial?"
Dan: "Oh, my bad. It's because they are."
Nate: "What? Like what are you talking about? We had a deal."
Dan: "Yeah, but not really. I mean, it's not like I respect you or think of your business as a real thing."
Nate: "What is wrong with you, dude?"

Um, his crunchy emo hair that looks like one of those Walmart ladies where their hair always looks wet? The fact that he is wearing a black-and-white striped boatneck tee, which when combined with the hair makes it the most punchable mime on this side of the Atlantic? Everything about his personality?

Dan: "You hesitated. Very not bigtime of you. First you wanted me to warn Rufus, like I'm some kind of 'normal person' with a 'basic sense of etiquette,' and then the second there's a lawsuit about your newspaper, you flipped out..."
Nate: "Yeah, both of those things are normal. They are the correct response."
Dan: "What do you want me to say? Vanity Fair is the bigtime, and the bigtime is what I am. Yolo."
Nate: "Yeah, um. You should probably find another place to live."
Dan: "Typical Upper East Sider. I figured you'd say that. Typical. "
Nate: "...Amazing."


Chuck offers to buy a boxing man his own boxing gymnasium, if he just violates his nondisclosure agreement about bodyguarding -- I presume -- Bart, that one time in Dubai. Maybe more shit happens in this scene, but I sure do doubt it. I can't even think of a thing awesome enough to have happened in Dubai to justify this much fucking around about it. Russell Thorpe blew up multiple buildings and eventually tied Blair Waldorf to the roof of an exploding building, like something that would happen to Sheridan Lopez-Fitzgerald -- how you gonna compete with that?

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Gossip Girl




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