Gossip Girl
Dirty Rotten Scandals

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
YOLO Technology

Oh, and Chuck refers to himself as the man's "compadre." That's kinda notable.

OUTSIDE WALDORF SHOW

Blair: "Serena, that was so bitchy! You sabotaged my pretend fashion show!"
Serena: "You're so bitchy. You sabotaged my creepy relationship!"
Sage: "You are both bitches. It was I! I sabotaged your things with panties! Just to be awful!"
Steven: "You get in this car right now. You are ineffectually grounded again!"
Gossip Girl: "Isn't Sage so fascinating?"

UWS

Serena: "I feel like I am somewhat to blame."
Sage: "She is! She filled me full of coke, threw me on the runway, told me to act like a whore. Isn't this kind of thing why you forced me to spend the day with her?"
Steven: "Stow it, Sage. I don't want you to feel like you're not valued in this household or the most important thing in my life, but you clearly did this whole thing yourself to get rid of Serena. It's not even that clever of a scheme. Now apologize."
Sage: "Serena, I'm sorry... That you are retarded."
Serena: "That's okay, I'm used to it."
Steven: "Great! Now who wants waffles*?"

*(He said "tea," but I think we both know what he meant. This show really is one six-year-long incest joke.)

Also, Sage the High Schooler looks older and skinnier than everybody else put together. She is like the painting Bianca Lawson keeps in her attic.

MEANWHILE

Nelly Yuki is a writer, just like Dan! And I mean that!

"Can Blair Waldorf step into her mother's shoes, or is her Achilles' Heel of the stripper variety?"

...Wait, no. It's crappy like Dan writing, but... crazy like Gossip Girl writing. That is exactly the kind of nonsensical fucking thing GG would say.

NELLY YUKI IS CLEARLY GOSSIP GIRL & WILL REMOVE HER GLASSES IN THE FINALE TO REVEAL A BEAUTIFUL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND & IT WILL BE KIND OF RACIST

Blair: "Oh, my problems! Oh, my health problems and mental ones! And fashion! Damn that Serena for pointing out how stupid fashion people are, making me look like a pedophile. No better than Rufus, am I."
Chuck: "How about some sex murder voice talking?"
Blair: "Yes, and also some champagne."

GG: "Tolstoy wrote that all famil..."
Nope. How insulting. After six years I can't believe you haven't said that shit before now, you fucking hack. Chuck and Blair's stupid nonexistent baby thinks that's weak sauce.

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Gossip Girl

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