Gossip Girl
Dirty Rotten Scandals

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: B+
YOLO Technology

Oh, you know what, actually that episode -- one of the best, and certainly the one that got me hooked -- was also about finding the face of Waldorf Designs. So, that's kinda cool.


Serena: "When I was your age, my mom married seven men in succession."
Sage: "That must've been tough and very fascinating to hear about."
Serena: "It fucked me right up. I was a druggie and a slut, and I killed a man. Later on, I stole a horse and a boat. Boy, I sure wish I had gotten better grades in high school."
Sage: "What do those things have to do with each other?"
Serena: "Just be nice to your dad, okay? This is my first conversation in my life."
Sage: "You are so pretty and so very, very smart. I didn't think those things could go together, but now I get it. Thank you. I'm going to go throw away all my drugs, and rededicate myself to chastity now... Mom."

Serena, touched: "That went well, I think. Score another one for old SVD-Dubs."
Sage: "You are so retarded."

(Le ring-ring.)
Serena: "Fuck you want? I'm changing lives up in this bitch."
Blair: "I know we're not friends, but I have a business offer. Mutually beneficial."
Serena: "I don't know what those words mean."

Blair: "But we're like family! We can hate, yet still love."
Serena: "No, girl. You're just somebody I used to know. It really isn't like that. You always had this romantic view of us, but I'm afraid that was kid stuff."
Blair: "But I am always saving your bacon!"
Serena: "Go find somebody else to save. I'm saving Sage these days. This is my new family. You are my old family that never really was my family. Get a life."


Blair, not making a ton of sense: "Serena doesn't wanna be family, then that's fine. She can dive right from the gene pool to the cesspool."

Which sounds like Blair, and sounds like English, but is in fact neither. Blair goes from zero to sixty on the not-making-sense road, and quickly begins to hallucinate. Man, I've been waiting for this chick to crack for what, like eight years? And this is it, the funny filters and voice modulation and stupid Dorota saying stupid Dorota shit, and she faints onto a fainting couch. I guess there's some amount of pressure on her, from the Powerful Women thing and Eleanor's horrors, but the show completely forgot about those things anyway, or what they meant, so now the rest of it makes less sense.

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Gossip Girl




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