Gossip Girl
Dirty Rotten Scandals

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
YOLO Technology

Dan: "People who actually read? Over-35s who love vintage indie rock and dirt on other people's divorces?"
Nate: "No, mostly illiterate homophobes and a very persistent woman who offers to increase the girth of your penis using video techniques and discounted handbags from famous designers and one weird secret to a flat tummy."

Gossip Girl: "Hey, in other news of people you could give a fuck about, Rufus Humphrey is suing his son, Dan Humphrey. Who are they? I don't know either. This is just the first tip I've gotten in weeks. Serena really fucked my brand."

WALDORF

Blair, videoconf'ing: "Jean-Pierre, you are ruining everything! The runway, the wigs... Shit, is that Nelly Yuki?"
JP: "Yeah, to interview you again, a day later. They seem to have a lot of inches to fill."
Nelly: "This ain't Women's Wear Whenever You Got A Minute, Frenchie."
(Blair whines at Dorota for one million years. It is real unattractive.)
Blair: "I don't know who else to call! Dan hates me, the minions developed rudimentary self-esteem after talking to Poppy Lifton, and I'm pretty much an asshole with no other friends. I just want somebody who can read my mind, is that too much to ask?"
Chuck: "Blair. Hello."

Sometimes you don't know whether to barf or applaud. It would be so much better I think to see the world in selfishly myopic black and white, like a shipper or a person with borderline personality disorder*, so I would know how to feel about this. Because on the one hand, that was ultraqueer and not the kind we like. But on the other hand, there's something to be said for leaning into it. I think I can take it, this time.

*(You already know I'm thinking it, so I might as well say it: REDUNDANT.)

UWS

Serena: "If this little shit isn't home by now, I'm just going to move quietly back into PRADA and hope he never figures out I lost his daughter."
Sage: "Serena! Mom, I mean. I was just telling Dad about the great opportunity you got me!"
Serena: "There we go. Much more realistic. Wait, what opportunity?"
Sage: "Walking in Blair Waldorf's fashion show tonight!"
Serena: "Whatever. Maybe I can get you guys focused on each other and you'll leave me out of it."

Steven, ver-effin'-batim: "This is great news! My two girls getting along!"
Serena: "Those lambs are never going to stop screaming if you keep saying shit like that."

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Gossip Girl

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