Gossip Girl
Double Identity

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Je Ne Suis La Belette De Personne

Wearing yet another amazing fucking dress, this time a draped one-shoulder number with giant blue dots, Blair meets Prince Louis in front of that Manet painting. He says French stuff and she explains that, ball or no ball, Sarkozys or non, she's over the fairytale and headed back home. Because somebody there did something for her. She tells the Prince he can come and find her, and even slips off one beautiful Roger Vivier for him, to make the tale complete. But what makes it wonderful is the way he smiles as she goes, at the way she humps along in one high heel before grinning over her shoulder and slipping it off in the most delightfully self-aware way. Try to be a fairytale -- fake Prince, real Prince -- either way you end up with a limp.

Yeah, see what they did there? Nicely done. So Serena comes rocketing into DUMBO and tosses herself on Lily, who as usual gives the slightest impression of being appalled at all this action and emotion, and S shushes the rents so she can make her big fucking decision about Dan and Nate. And now it becomes clear why the show, through Blair and Gossip Girl, has made such a big fucking deal about that: So it would hurt when Dan and Vanessa, holding hands, appear in the doorway, followed immediately by Nate and Juliet, also holding hands, and then as Rufus hands Dan his tiny son.

Confused and already getting offended -- frankly, feeling retarded which is a terrible feeling -- Serena looks over at Vanessa, who of course is like "You saw me four months ago, you think I was pregnant?" instead of helping her out. Dan promises to explain, and then everybody ditches poor Serena alone with some weird baby. Gossip Girl makes fun of her for awhile, so Blair as she's leaving France texts her about what's up, and S -- with that fuck this anger-pout that always seems as clever as it does pitiful and ultimately destructive -- assures B the choice was not hers in any way.

The now most assuredly doomed Juliet flirts with Nate some more, telling him finally the thing no boy can resist -- "You're not ready for me yet" -- while at PRADA, Rufus notices that Milo was O-, which is recessive, and he knows that Dan is AB+, so even if Georgina is type O -- he explains after Lily makes a funny joke about his medical expertise being limited to the time that Lincoln Hawk got a song licensed on Chicago Hope -- so is the swart Russian that fathered the baby on her.

Over in Poortown Juliet is being super scary, taking pins one by one out of the photos on her corkboard, not even giving a shit where they fall. That's the scariest detail, just drop-drop-drop they go, down on the desk and the floor behind the desk, like she doesn't even care. Dan, connected to her by this and this and this: Eliminated. Nate, connected here and here and here: Acquired. Dead-eyed stare: Locked and loaded on the one picture left: Serena's mugshot. "I had to improvise, but it's done. I'll see you soon, and we'll talk about what's next. Take care. Hang in there. I miss you."

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Gossip Girl

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