Gossip Girl
Double Identity

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Je Ne Suis La Belette De Personne

Juliet Sharp, no matter her agenda, can never be accused of lacking in dedication. To wit, she has spent the afternoon in the company of Vanessa Abrams -- dressed as usual like a toddler left to her own devices, with only a stack of Punky Brewster tapes for company (although I'll say her hair is a relief right now) -- for no real reason but her dedication of purpose. Which purpose, as we'll see, is just as satanic as this latest outrage would have you believe: "Next time I promise we'll do shoes and vintage, and not just health food stores," says Vanessa Abrams, inviting her own destruction. Juliet balls up one tiny fist and thinks about shoving it through the back of her own head, but giggles instead.

Oh, one day we'll do shoes and vintage, she thinks. One chilly day in hell.

Vanessa, having made what she thinks of as friends -- with the random, sinister stranger who in one hour has become part of all their lives; replacing Milo's mommy who ditto, like six times now -- heads over to bother Milo. He immediately plays dead in her arms, so that she won't talk to or dandle him, hoping that one day soon she'll bring back the matted wig, full of delicious twigs and inchworms, that usually delights him so. "Living on a commune, you clock a lot of babysitting hours," says Vanessa. "That and the orgies. And people think homeschooling is a cakewalk."

Nate and Juliet converse at length about how he just dropped a Georgina-bomb called Juliet on the whole of DUMBO, and only now is realizing what happens when you rub that particular lamp. Juliet's like, "Hush, you delicate little thing. Vanessa is always going to be in love with Dan, because she is pathetic. And Dan, knows he's bruised produce now that he's got a baby that's half-demon, half-stranger. They're perfectly wretched, and thus perfect for each other. Plus, once I get Vanessa and Dan hooked up, Georgina will come back and murder them both. Then it'll just be you and Serena, like you wanted. And I will have you for my brides."

Blair and Serena are staying now at a house in Paris that Eleanor and Cyrus bought, so as to have a residence closer to her gay ex-husband. Forgot that part. Anyway, Blair comes home and won't shut up about the Dan/Nate non-situation. "Now that I'm an egalitarian, I'll accept it even if you choose Dan. And not just because he's ahead in the Gossip Girl poll." Serena's like, "Hold up, who's Dan? And who is Nate? And what is Gossip Girl? And by poll, do you mean what Poppy made me dance on?"

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