Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Year Of Magical Thinking

Good morning! And who's the blowsy blonde prowling Nate's Empire suite kitchen, looking for strawberries in his big Hugo Boss shirt from last night? While it could be literally anyone on this show, since apparently everybody lives at Chuck's house now, you know from the tired hoary joke about waffles that it's Little J. I do believe that in nineteen episodes, nineteen times we've heard that joke. Nate's hair looks wonderfully morning-esque, even as he's stupidly asking her anorexic ass why she doesn't weigh 500 pounds, given how often we're subjected to the waffle joke about her family. Not okay to ever talk about: A teenage girl's weight.

Jenny changes the subject -- after Nate points out apropos of nothing that the shirt she's flouncing around in is Serena's favorite morning attire also -- to how Serena totally ditched him at that dumb wedding and has been gone with Carter ever since. As much as I enjoy the idea that Nate Archibald is too stupid to live, sometimes it's just embarrassing. "Hey, stop kissing me and sabotaging my relationship! Oh, you say you're not doing that, even though you obviously are? Put on this shirt and no pants and run around impersonating my girlfriend. And if you have a minute to give me really bad advice, I'd appreciate it. Just don't gain any weight."

"Time flies when you're having a Wii Tennis death match, Humphrey," Nate says -- which when you think about it is at least three different untrue things at once -- and Jenny tells him that, regarding how nothing sketchy is going on and all that, could he help her lie to Rufus that she slept at Sawyer's house. (Sawyer is one of the Mean Girls but I'll be damned if I care which one at this point.) "If anyone asks, you're an insecure brunette who has an unnatural love for designer handbags." So: Nate. If anyone asks, you're Nate. The kind of plan only Nate could screw up.

"Are we still on for the Tim Burton exhibit at MOMA?" Jenny asks, and instead of pointing a finger at her little nose and taunting, "You are the Tim Burton exhibit at MOMA," which is what's called for here, he gets all kinds of excited and runs around the kitchen a few times. But then just when Jenny's got it in the bag, Serena finally manages -- after several days -- to send a text message. "Just landed. So sorry. Call you when I'm home." Nate, on hearing that his girlfriend has finally returned from her mysterious errand, thinks it might be a good idea to go see her and figure things out.

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Gossip Girl




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