Which first of all and mostly, not even Chuck could pull that one off, but second of all, bad call to draw attention to the ruffled fact of the intense cleavage Serena's brought to lunch with her estranged father. You had to know when you were writing about the gulf, the chasm between them that most of the screen would be filled up with our old friends Witch Baby and Cherokee Bat, because whenever Serena is onscreen that's going to be the case. Even if, and to be fair this is the case here, it's a relatively calm amount of giant boobs showing, it's still already a laughable line and now twice as... Serena and her father is a giant fucking horrible mess. I don't know what else to say. Glad I'm not a girl.
Dan finds out in about five seconds that Vanessa's Tisch submission was in fact an original piece -- and that she knew this requirement while somehow he didn't -- and she thinks we're having a romantic conversation about how it's her first original play and all about how they are lovebirds in love. Can you fucking imagine a play written by tortured Vanessa Abrams about her tortured relationship with tortured Dan Humphrey and how it finally got untortured? I hope in the play they dress up like Rear Window and prance around drinking mojitos with Gay Paul Hoffman, because that shit was golden. Anyway, I guess now Dan doesn't want to go to the party, because of the murdering that will take place if Willa -- and you know she would waste no time -- spills the beans about his accidental sabotage of Vanessa's life.
More Carmen Sandiego murmuring about how he wanted their whole family to move to Tibet, but it turned out that long-distance relationships are just too hard for Lily, especially with that amount of travel time, so she got bored and wandered away. Serena's always looking for a reason to be pissed at Lily, so she eats that up, but then leads him back to the more salient point, which is that four-year-old Serena and infant Eric did not ask for a divorce, so it's still a question where he got off to.
"I couldn't blame her for needing consistency in her life -- in your lives. Serena, I just don't want you to think that one day I woke up and decided that I was going to leave you and never come back. After a while, I just didn't know how." So essentially you woke up and decided you were going to leave and never come back, then? Serena's on it: "So that's it? You just forgot how to be a father?"
To the rescue! Somebody who never knew how to do that in the first place! Rufus comes poking around to ruin his stepdaughter's reconciliation with her estranged father, because he literally has nothing better to do and Lily probably lied and said she needed to lie down so he'd stop staring at her. Will sees him at the front desk and immediately -- this is so Spader, so West Coast van der Woodsen -- heads him off: "I've got plenty of fresh towels, Rufus, but thanks for checking in." Can't you just see somebody saying that shit to Molly Ringwald? So Rufus starts yelling about how Will better leave town, although there is no way he doesn't know that Serena is here, because she just said, "I'm going to go hang out with my father" in the last scene. So I mean, either Rufus is being stupid or Rufus is being stupid. That old dilemma.