Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Year Of Magical Thinking

They talk about how Will has changed or has not changed or is a witch doctor. "Telling Lily to hide her illness from me and the kids is just like the guy I used to know!" To which I must respond, OH IS IT? How is that a quality? "You're just like the kind of guy that would make a towel joke while wearing a watch like that! With your grey suit and your comfortable shoes! That's so William van der Woodsen." Will tells Rufus in no uncertain terms that pretending she had neither Illness nor a family has worked wonders for her health, and Rufus goes, "Well, for that, I'm eternally grateful, but now that I'm part of this, she gets a new doctor." Which is delightfully Rufus: "Thanks for saving my wife's ass with your life-giving hands! Now suck a dick!"

Serena pops up to see what the fuck Rufus is up to now, and he executes this amazing about-face and slink-away, mumbling his exit line as though he's about to be arrested: "Oh I'm sorry for intruding I'll see you at home." Serena offers to go with him, since she's now looking at the person who forgot to be her father vs. Rufus who constantly forgets he's not, and Will realizes he lost this round. I have always liked the Serena/Rufus relationship, and I like Will if for nothing else than his radicalizing effect on it.

Because you know the shit is going to hit and it's going to be a love triangle between Serena and her two dads and where does her loyalty lie and what's Dan going to think/say/do and how will Jenny's latest bullshit factor in, you know? Like, let's settle the offensive Daddy Issue issue once and for all by bringing the entire family into it, because Lily right now couldn't carry a storyline if her life (literally) depended on it, while Who loves Serena more? is a question nobody on this show can seem to quit asking themselves, even after years of fighting about it.

Dan cannot get Willa on the phone, maybe because there are no cell towers in Bushwick or maybe because the "vibes" of the "space" are getting in the way, or maybe because she's a vapid bitch, or maybe because she's a plot device, or maybe all of these things. Blair comes stomping up to him in the Bleecker demanding him to solve her problems and being as rude as possible in the process. She tells him to shut the fuck up about eleven times, tosses "fatwa" around like it's still in play, and out of nowhere Dan invites her to the "art party" because -- this is where I started getting confused again -- when he uninvited himself and Vanessa, that was before Willa actually set about destroying Vanessa, so now he realizes he needs to go to the party after all because he can't track her down.

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Gossip Girl




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