Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Year Of Magical Thinking

But so then Dan has to get very wrong by elliptically pulling some major Humphrey bullshit: "You said yourself that if you knew there'd only been one spot, you wouldn't have applied." Um, fuck you? How dare you even go there? Vanessa's not dumb, she totally calls him out for that one, and he points out -- also valid -- that he's reacting to a situation, which he's allowed to do. Once again stymied by their shared internal suckiness, they find themselves at a freshman year impasse, and Vanessa bounces.

Serena goes, "I still don't know what I want from you." That about covers it, but it's a weird sort of statement to drop into a conversation. (Nothing like referring to your "smokescreens" -- which is queerbutt in exactly the same way as when Corey Feldman used to talk about his "mystique" -- but still pretty weird.) Will understands, though, because it's the truth. "I was planning on giving you a big speech on regret, but..." I love him. He's like, "But fuck that. Mostly I'm happy your mother has Illness, because it means we get to hang out." Creeeepy. He talks about how he was in fact reading the tabloids and knew about the boat-stealing and the body shots and the time she stole a horse, and she points out that her whole point was pissing him off, and he thanks her kindly for I guess making the effort and letting him have a second chance. Well, Serena's whole point is those, so it's fine.

Chuck approaches Blair and admits that the fatwa was real, and that he's proved his point that she would never break the fatwa and she says that yes, she totally could have and wanted to, because Cameron is amazing, but that: "The way to get over you isn't by hooking up with some random guy, or pretending like we didn't happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I'm gonna kiss somebody someday. And when I do, it'll be for me." His smile when she quietly tells him goodbye and leaves, it's very sad. But I think also he has never been quite so in love with her as he is in that moment. And I can identify.

Back at the Empire, Nate and Jenny have switched roles so incredibly that he's actually saying her dialogue back to her: "What the hell is wrong with me?" he says, just like after the time she didn't get gang-raped and managed to talk her way past Rufus even while on roofies. Jenny explains that Nate is wonderful and should not worry so much about it because he's excellent, and then she tells him that S doesn't deserve him, and treats him terribly, and she would not do that. Jenny, totally going for it. So she leans in with a "you deserve better," which high school bitches have been using since the beginning of time because it's the secret key to all teenagers, boy or girl, and he kind of resists and she never makes contact, but guess who's standing behind them, looking about five seconds from Dark Phoenix? Oh yeah.

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Gossip Girl




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