Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Year Of Magical Thinking

Jenny's like, "Don't push!" because Jenny doesn't understand how things work with these people. There is no "push," ever, because the only resistance in this triangle is the resistance of the other two people to letting Jenny fuck Nate. Nate and Serena can squawk all they want about the power dynamic, but there really is none: Just shiny hair and this one shirt. He stares at her with his sexy hair waving in the breeze and Jenny finally gets the hint, or so one might think. Really, she ankle-dips and has the balls to be offended. "My girlfriend just got back into town, can I postpone our date?" is just not one of the things you get to be pissed about.

The Valkyrie contingent of Rhodes Women has touched down and is in the car on the way back to the men they have ignored, lied to and repeatedly ditched for as it turns out no real reason whatsoever. It's nice to see Lily and Serena back on the same side, because they're a good team, but the fact that this whole season-long issue between them is actually just something Serena created out of thin air and fed with Lily's pointless lying? That will take longer to heal. They have a good laugh about how much Rufus and Dr. William van der Woodsen hate each other, and you can hear the time machine starting up. "Nothing like a grunge-era love triangle," says Serena, and they laugh, I hate to say it, but they laugh like serious bitches. It is an incandescent moment.

Lily -- who has always had a charming sense of whimsy about her own ridiculous life -- nearly snorts: "Yes, well, complete with an unplanned pregnancy, a trip to a French sanatorium, my mother and a whole lot of flannel!" (Can't you just see CeCe tossing off something like that, gin sloshing onto her furs?) The two snuggle and hug and get ready for the steely-eyed guilt trip they're both in for now that they've come home from their whatever it was.

Blair screams and yells at Dorota for awhile, and we eventually learn that she's thrown herself a sad little episode of The Bachelorette, complete with caterers and an eight-month pregnant chaperone. Dorota thinks the plan -- to have a brunch with the effete elite young men of the UES, who surely have nothing better to do than go to a sausage party with the meanest girl in the entire universe and a bunch of other bi-curious tea party-lovers -- is awful, and offers to take Blair to the park instead, to feed the ducks. Blair is totally sure that this weird social event will prove to Chuck that he is not the boss of her, which means of course that he is still the boss of her. Zinger one: "Dorota, you really need to stop buying your prenatal vitamins over the internet." Zinger two: "For this I postpone honeymoon?" Then she hands Dorota a box of Chuck Bassiana she, Rory Gilmore-style, wants never to see again.

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Gossip Girl




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