Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Year Of Magical Thinking

Serena is... Somewhere, and Nate appears there, and she asks why he's not answering her calls, and I guess he just felt like it would be more polite to hunt her down in person. She says she doesn't have time for his obsession with triangulating everybody's ass with GPS all the time, but she's got to go see her dad. Instead of explaining the far-reaching complications and explanations for why Will is here, why she and her mother keep disappearing and hurting anybody's feelings, or what she's now doing that's so important Nate can go fuck himself, Serena remembers that Illness can hear her, and thus she cannot explain anything about her atrocious behavior, or else her mother will drop dead, so she just takes off after one more time apologizing condescendingly to him for being so condescending all the time and keeping him in the dark. I mean, I know this is the point of this parallel, but Nate and Rufus should just start a club.

Nate gets fussy in a very Humphrey way about how he's getting tired of always waiting around, and she goes Othello on him about how Jenny's been all around and up his ass. As though that's a new issue. Jenny watches through some mysterious doorway in the lobby of wherever they are, and Serena's like, "You got secrets too!" Which is confusing for Nate, since he doesn't, because he never does, and Chuck's prophecy about how all it takes is one seemingly hypocritical move from Nate and S will bolt. Which, that's so great, and so Serena: Sleepovers with Jenny, that's fine, we can talk about it after I cure Illness, and yeah, I've got creepy secrets and mysterious errands like I always do... But by no means may you imply that I've got secrets at the same time that you're having sleepovers with Jenny! That is a bridge too far, sir! Jenny lurks and quirks and smirks and lurks some more, and GG is like, "Little J, you might actually pull this one off."

Ha! I'm so sure. If Jenny Humphrey ever got one damn thing she wanted on this show the world would end. Which is probably the main thing she wants, anyway.

"So what's step two?" Jenny calls to ask her big brother, since he's well-versed in the ways of brute-force seduction, and Chuck explains that all you have to do is get him drunk and rape him. "Do women just not get this?" Nope. No matter how many times you try to explain it, or even give them practical demonstrations by getting them drunk and raping them, women are just too dumb to understand this one. Jenny points out that Nate is not going to go out drinking with her: "He made me call my dad when I slept over!" Chuck, immortally: "Be here, six sharp. And look like someone who doesn't even have a father."

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Gossip Girl




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