As for Blair's magical dreamwalking and female attacker, Serena's awesome first question is: "Like Chuck in drag? Or an actual girl?" That one gives B pause, because it's a legit question, but then she yells, "I don't know, I was blind!" Then to show how blind she was, in the dream, she talks about the attacker's hair at length, and how it looked. Serena fully goes, "Hey, can we talk about this on our way to school?" Because firstly this is a conversation worth having, and secondly because how do you be places. But B wants to let it slide, because she has some insane thing or another to do first.

Nate calls Dan, just to hear his voice, on the way to visit the Captain in prison. Dan tells him that Vanessa moved back to life with her utterly awful parents because even her utterly awful parents -- who actively hate her -- are easier to deal with than a bunch of Humphrey motherfuckness. Dan's like, "That dumbass thinks I'm still in love with Serena" and Nate's like, "This dumbass does too."

Then they talk about what it was like to finally fuck Juliet, and Nate pastes on a sunny smile, leaving out the disquieting tears and self-hating mantra of I am a fraud, I'm a fucking fraud that followed. But then, Juliet didn't seem to mind, and Dan knows damn well what a handful Nate can be, after.

Or perhaps Juliet did mind. Just like Serena, her twin star in this dance of death, she bolted in the morning rather than miss the one cab back to her garret. Nate wanted to have breakfast and explore his feelings some more, but Sharp was gone before he'd even brushed the swooping hair from his sparkling eyes. Dan offers to have breakfast with him, to supply the cuddle that Juliet could not, but Nate's in line at the jailhouse now and cannot be distracted. And who else is in line, just as he regretfully rings off with Humphrey? Why it's Juliet Sharp herself, there for a visit of her own. Is he her brother? Is he her boyfriend? On this show, that is like the pettiest question.

Serena has found college. And on that campus there are freshman and on those freshman there are butt cheeks and on those butt cheeks there are the roaming eyes of Charles Bass. Serena yells at him for finding college, assuming that it's because he wants to destroy more of Blair. But in fact no, it's to continue his seduction/destruction cycle of every Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that graces us: This new guy is Fortune 500 and I guess he is a ghost that collects Lichtenstein and so obviously Chuck is like, "I cannot pass this fascinating motherfucker up" with a pointillist lightning bolt going ZANGG! from his eyeballs to the asses of the badminton players: "From what I hear, badminton players know how to handle a shuttlecock." What Chuck is suggesting here is that he would like a handjob from a freshman or two, and then for them to dress up in matching outfits and go to a dumb pretend party for a dumb pretend newspaper.