Gossip Girl

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to wound the autumnal city.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Now the music is wild and the whole situation is Audrey Hepburn in Wait Until Dark, which is about a blind girl with ninety-nine problems. They get the look exactly right, as she wanders blindly around in a ridiculous bra and giant hair, through the Waldorf Apt., listening to sounds and being gently slowly murdered. She assumes her whisper-silent assailant is Chuck, of course -- as Blair's paranoia is a button anyone can push whenever they like -- but when the ninja finally assaults her blind ass, it's a tween. A little tween from the sewers, with long blonde extensions and a rebel-yell scowl and a tendency to flash her teenage boobs because she has no parents. It is totally frightening!

While Blair's private insanity is once again taking the form of an ectomorphic Belgian, Serena's is taking the form of unrealistic not-fucking. After a long night of "talking" about "Warhol" and "Lichtenstein" with Colin, former taxi-purloiner and current question mark, while wearing his shirt just like everyone on this show always does, she scoots out the door due to her long-standing firm beliefs about staying the night with a ghost. Also, since he's not there to steal the one cab in all of New York City, it's hers.

Yes, it's taking the long road around an imaginary problem, but since they "didn't" have sex because Serena "isn't" a horndog and has so much to "offer" on the subject of art appreciation, it is more and not less Byzantine a way to ensure that she will be able to find college at the appropriate time.

But first, over to the Waldorf house, where the sunshine has scattered all the shadows and Blair has regained her extraordinary eyesight: "What have we here? Bed unslept in, hair in missionary disarray, and yesterday's dress with today's shame all over it?" Serena swears that she didn't sleep with whomever it was, and B basically lets it go so they can have an expository conversation about this latest ridiculous development.

Blair makes fun of Serena for blowing Colin as her revenge on nearly getting her kicked out of college for no reason at all, and Serena explains that "even though he's a businessman, he's more interested in talking about Lichtenstein and Warhol, which he collects by the way," which is code for "He hasn't got a personality as such." And when those topics were exhausted, the conversation turned to Radiohead and Counting Crows and whatever else we like instead of actually liking things. Serena was so into that.

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Gossip Girl

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