Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
to wound the autumnal city.

The conversation keeps going for awhile and it's fun to experience but not really to think about, because it's retarded. They shake on it and it sends ripples of desire and yearning up her arm and down her spine and it's sort of amazing, and he leaves. And outside in the hallway he's mysterious, and in the bedroom on the other side of the door she looks like she's about to puke, and it's pretty awesome. And gruesome. And that Rihanna/Eminem song where Dominic Monaghan is like, "I dare you to still want to make out with me."

Nate calls Juliet and she immediately starts crying. He's really rude for some reason, she's like, "Hello?" and he's like, "My dad's gonna be okay. Thanks for asking!" Which is when I would hang up on the person. But anyway, she wants to tell him the whole truth again -- or maybe just break up with him so that Ben will stop attacking his family members -- but Nate's cocksucker side that he's never had before comes out to play and he's like, "YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME BECAUSE MY DAD IS IN JAIL!" Which is of whole cloth invented by his crazy ass. I think this episode was just written by a bad person, like a mean person or a crybaby, and they honestly think this is what people are normally like.

Which, thanks for breaking up with yourself on my behalf, because it saves me the trouble. Juliet pours herself a drink and before you remember that she is homeless, the person who lives there comes home and just guess who it is. Why, it's Colin Forrester. Of course. He lives in Eleanor's building, he coordinates his one-night stands around Serena van der Woodsen's class schedule, he's a Fortune 500 magnate and the city's most eligible bachelor, so of course he's also in on Operation Smile. Of course he is. He writes Juliet her check for this week's misdeeds, they talk real cagey-like about whatever, and life makes a little less sense than it did before.

Maybe Jenny's better off. In the back of the cab she finds a book, abandoned, smell of charcoal and resin, smoke from a rosewood fire, that begins: to wound the autumnal city. Chuck slept with Jenny, died and was resurrected, returned to New York, and declared war; Juliet was all about deep cover and ugly clothes; the circle of Serena's persecutors grew to include both time and space; and Blair discovered that her psychic dream powers came from a secret Massachusetts ancestry of witches and deliverymen.

Nervously she flips now, past the antics of her brother and their family's knowledge their pride is all they have, past the true identity of Pete Fairman's murderer and Poppy Lifton's final fate, past the violent return of Pilot Inspektor and his unholy alliance with Aaron Rose, past the first time Nate ever saw Chuck's balls, past the everything that mattered once and never will again, she flips, she flips all the way to the back:

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Gossip Girl




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