Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
to wound the autumnal city.

Rufus, meanwhile, something about chili.

Dan and Eric follow Jenny around begging her to come out and play with them and go to Babbo with them and not leave them alone to deal with the Rose For Emily situation that Lily and Rufus have become. Jenny explains that she is not interested in going anywhere or doing anything, because if she gets caught having fun or breathing New York oxygen, Blair will bust a cap.

"She's the Wicked Witch of the Upper East Side, I'm sure one of her monkeys spotted me getting off the train or something, but it's fine," says Jenny, wearing a tiny dress on her tiny body with her tiny skinny legs poking out of it. Jenny plays it real cool like -- "Yeah, it is 100% vintage crazy-ass Blair, but really though" -- but her big brother Dan knows better than to ever take someone, especially a woman, at her word. She's acting like she knows Blair is ridiculous and that she's outgrown these petty games and that she's really only here for her own career and future, but Dan and Eric know better: She's a stupid bitch, like all women, and can't be trusted to make decisions on her own. She's a stupid bitch, like all people, and never says what she means.

Like when Chuck drops by to apologize for raping Jenny all those many times he did no such thing, and Eric's like, "Did you get your tickets for the gun show?" and Chuck's like, "I figured I would have slept with you by now just as a matter of course," it's Dan who gets all up in his beefy cheddar like he's actually going to do anything. Chuck goes, "I'll just grab these blueprints Lily left for me. I'll let you get back to your Hemingway Complex. You know, I almost respect this side of you, Humphrey. Tell Jenny I said hello, and I'm truly sorry." Dan thinks this is a compliment, because he is a poon, but really it's like this: When Chuck Bass calls you out for gayness, you better sit down and think about that, until your priorities realign themselves. Because ya been burnt.

Colin agrees to pretend for our benefit that he and Serena didn't sleep together. I think what happened was that he said it doesn't count if it's in the backdoor. That's what I think happened there. How are you supposed to take this storyline seriously? All hat, no cattle. Either Serena is a slut and that's awesome, or she's not a slut and being a slut is a bad thing and that's the point at which this show makes no sense at all.

So Colin's like, "Talking about Lichtenstein and Warhol was so fucking enjoyable last night and I really think we should do it again, except for how you are constantly sleeping with your teachers for the sake of your GPA." S is like, "Okay, well, when I was fucking this married Congressman, we did it like this: Pretend not to have sex for a week and then totally have sex. And then his life -- boom -- ruined. Is that something you'd be interested in?"

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Gossip Girl




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