Dan, verbatim: "Did you come all the way to Brooklyn just to yell at me? Because that's really not necessary."
This Show, For The Last Four Years: "Not in our experience."
Blair: "Turns out acting all sneaky for no reason made us look sneaky."
Dan: "Are you saying that acting all sneaky for no reason made us look sneaky?"
Blair: "If we are found to be covering something up, even something that doesn't matter like us, it will explode like a richly insured Bart Bass highrise, and the casualties will be my rep and your hopes of ever doing your sister again."
Dan: "So let's just say that we're friends, like in a normal way. As though we were normal people."
Blair: "It's a stretch, but it might work."
Blair: "I'm a little worried about the simplicity of your rational approach, though. It's missing the screeching edge of madness that accompanies most of my thoughts."
Dan: "Yes, by all means let's add that complicated Blair Waldorf touch that will absolutely push us all into ruin and chaos."
Blair: "We'll tell Gossip Girl that something amazing is about to happen, which will stoke the fires, and in this way we can secretly manage expectations so that nobody cares when we just come out as being boring old friends. Something like..."
Dan, verbatim: "You getting traded for a hotel?"
Blair, verbatim: "Yeah, or you raising Georgina's baby by a Russian mobster."
Dan: "I can't think of anything going wrong there. We have all the ingredients of a drama-free turning molehills into mountains. Except, well, hold up. Is there a big party at the end of this episode where the whole cast is there and the shit hits the fan in every storyline at once?"
Blair: "We can posit that will happen, yes."
Dan: "So maybe our neurotic bullshit should be more wallflowery and less pop-up fashion show?"
Blair: "I don't think you understand how badly I want to kiss you in front of Serena. I think this one might actually kill her."
Dan: "I know, right?"
Blair, verbatim: "Oh, and only I get to joke about the hotel. Still too soon."