Gossip Girl
Empire Of The Son

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Reader, She Kisses Him

And he's... Um, scary? Despite always looking like a wet-eyed doe in a wind tunnel? Mean to Damien Dalgaard, the dude who managed to brainwash both of your younger siblings into drug trafficking using only his sex-withholding bi-curious vibe?

(And then Abrams's parting shot, which is something to the effect of, People in that family are really manipulative, like how after about twenty episodes of Juliet getting constantly exposed for doing horrible shit that directly targeted you, we all kept forgiving her and being friends with her, and then she came after me, so I immediately forgave her, so hard that I helped her murder you. Vanessa, Debate Club is something that you missed out on as a homeschooler, I get it, but good Lord.)

S is just like, "Lily, what is this bullshit you're bringing me? She's not even telling me anything. Nate beats up the Captain literally every time he shows up onscreen. As usual, Vanessa Abrams, you can eat a bag of asses."

She's not wrong, exactly, but considering Vanessa is the queen of eavesdropping plot devices and always knows what is up because she is sneaky as hell, the original girl of gossip if you will, maybe this should play into things. So then Serena makes a thinky face, because maybe this goes this way: The suspicious mom telling him to burn them all down, and his own recent begrudging half-forgival of Lily, the constant references to the sexy dirty things he did in jail, the fact that she randomly told him where the only copy of the affidavit was... It's all adding up. To wolves!

(But also, I remember waiting for what seemed like a million years for V and S to interact, like in S1 there was Guitar Hero and that was it. Didn't care if they were friends or bitter enemies, I just wanted them to intersect more often. Little did I know that it would be so perfect, with Serena every time just over it, before it even starts, making that same face the second Abrams ever rolls up like, "Bitch, I surround myself with ridiculous, awful people, and yet still you are irritating. Does that not clarify anything for you? You are the one thing capable of killing my infinite buzz, because that is how much you suck: Infinity."

Lily: "Let's just turn that rock over a tad, and explore the possibility that Ben and his total sketchiness are being sketchy."
Serena: "Fine. Let's go upstairs to my underwear drawer where I keep all my important documents and papers."
Lily: "Right away I have spotted a problem."

Serena, upon opening the empty panty vault: (Regular mushmouth + Ashamed sobs = Linguistic apocalypse.)

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Gossip Girl




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