Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
All The Boys Think She's A Spy

"Trip queens. It just... It doesn't feel right, you know, taking a beautiful woman's money." What PJ means is, It feels exactly right to take a beautiful woman's money, because poker, and money -- and winning -- are for men. Serena wigs, but Nate pronounces PJ "on tilt" (which is apparently just behind "on steam" in terms of the ways guys act like jackasses while playing poker) and tells her to hook him. Hook. Him. Be the Blonde. You know what would be amazing? If Tripp were gay. That would be amazing. "Just get him to bet Carter and remember the tells," Nate says, and drops another stack before Serena speaks up, opens that mouth, talks back: "But we're upping the stakes." PJ grins lasciviously and asks what they're playing for now, and she gives him a bit of that Jennifer's Body, Bad Serena hardness: "Yeah, not likely." Not too much, not too little; just enough to keep him hard. That's the game. "How about Carter Baizen?"

"Ohhh," PJ chuckles. "I get it. You're Carter's girl." Yeah, bro. That's exactly what's fucking going on here. Just a girl. "Well, bad news, sweetheart! Carter's debt is a lot more than you're showing." With a look from Serena, Nate nods and asks the other three douches for some privacy: "I tell you what. You bet Carter, and I'll bet... A photo of Tripp van der Bilt." Serena's surprised as he puts it down: "...From the night of his bachelor party." Pj picks up the camera -- it's a picture of Tripp with a giant bong -- and Nate tells Serena again not to lose; he seems really reckless, to us as well as Serena, before we know the photo's a fake. But PJ grins, and it's game on. The Blonde sits down again.

Vanessa comes home to Olivia apologizing to Josh Ellis about cancelling the speech again, and at her look Olivia explains about the dinner plan. "He probably just wants more one-on-one time. I'll bet he has something special planned, like chicken -- or something," Vanessa says, once again signaling her badness at lying. Olivia laughs and produces a Gloomy Bear puppet-claw, calling it "an anime goblin claw" and explaining that they're "huge in Japan." Which is weird, because the actual thing -- which is a complicatedly Japanese anti-kawaii statement about cute things being totally destructive -- is more in line with this episode than her explanation, but whatever. V's phone rings, since Josh just got off the phone with O -- and Vanessa skittles out the door.

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Gossip Girl




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