Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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All The Boys Think She's A Spy

Dan and Vanessa and Olivia hold just an unending Truth And Reconciliation Committee meeting about the whole episode and how Blair kept being the evil angel on her shoulder and telling her not to trust Olivia, but it only really picks up steam once she explains that when she was lying about Dan's shitty family it was actually her own shitty family she was talking about, and in fact she wishes Rufus and Lily were her parents instead... Right when Gabriela finds them, and she overhears. Yes. Dan and Olivia make hilarious matching fear faces, and Gabriela sucks that moment down to the marrow, just grinding her heel into Vanessa's soul, looking wounded and angry and saintly and just fucking... It's just masterful. CeCe could learn a thing or two from Gabriela. I started feeling guilty after a few seconds of that shit, and I didn't even do anything wrong. Sort of awesomely, it's so vicious that it makes Dan and Olivia feel sorry for Vanessa and I think forgive her, but she can't lick their faces like usual because she's got to tear off after her hardcore mommy and try to unbreak her heart.

Blair's been running all over the place looking for Chuck, and then the purple dress in the corner starts to move... It's Lily! Lily is the new host! She tells Blair that Chuck is gone, and then sweetly reminds Blair that Chuck would never refuse her anything. "He'd never say no," she nods. "To anything. I messed up, didn't I?" Lily smiles a bit, but agrees that B screwed this one up pretty bad. "Lily," Blair spits, nearly doing that dog-clap thing at her: "You're supposed to say everything is going to be fine. Where did you learn how to give a pep talk, Guantanamo?" (Sweetie, no. Have you met Lily? Lily didn't go to People School. You can't expect her to know this shit. Go get a hug from stupid Rufus.) Lily's voice gets just that touch harder necessary for Blair to really hear her: "Blair. I understand a thing or two about ambitious women. But without trust, you're lost." Blair thinks about that, and Lily's beauty softens again. "Let Chuck lick his wounds. You can talk to him tomorrow, hmm?" Very Rhodes Women, that whole moment. Eleanor's got a lot of shit to answer for, but I can't imagine what would have happened to Blair in Lily's house. She couldn't have survived there, could she? She would have died.

Carter surprises Serena back at Blair's, where she is carefully lighting one million candles for no damn reason. She kisses him and climbs all over him and apologizes for her mean behavior at the wedding, and he's like, "I gotta leave town." She explains that she settled the debt, shrugging the details beyond "I helped PJ avoid a very public fiasco," and unnecessarily notes that Nate probably hates her now. I can't imagine a less interesting animosity than Nate vs. Serena. Neither of them can stay mad for more than five minutes, because neither of them can hold onto a single thought for more than five minutes. "I thought of the meanest thing to say to you on the way over here. I can't remember it right now, but daaaamn. Rest assured it was brutal. Now: Do you have any snacks, and can we build a fort."

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Gossip Girl

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