Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
All The Boys Think She's A Spy

Serena informs Carter, hilariously, where she draws the line -- "Work on an oil rig? Carter, I wasn't going to allow that to happen" -- and says he has nothing to prove to the stupid Buckleys, but of course this was about proving something to her, and to himself, because PS she's still the Dan this season and he's still the Serena. And then for some reason he leaves anyway, because he would rather have her hate him than feel sorry for him, but I don't know where he's getting the latter, because Serena never feels sorry for anybody, because A) that's not awesome and B) they barely exist anyway. She goes octopus all over him and he peels her limbs away one by one, then bounces. Serena cries. Actually, S cries probably harder than she's ever cried on the show. If he's the Serena, then she has to save him, to prove that Serenas can be saved.

Home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you

In another sort of heartrending scene, Vanessa finally catches up to Gabriela on the stairs, and is the most effective crier on this entire show. Damn. So she apologizes very desperately and very scaredly, and maybe you have to come from a certain kind of family for this to be really hard to watch, but it's rough. Like if she doesn't fix this, her mother will disappear forever, and she will die. They don't even like her. They sent her to the city, a child, to live with her sister and run in the streets, because they don't even like her. Or they don't like her enough to want her. She's worse than an orphan. She glommed onto the fucking Humphreys, for Christ's sake. A normal person wouldn't do that.

"Vanessa, we are so hard on you because we want you to challenge yourself to be your own person." V nods, even though when parents say this they mean you'' end up just like them, because they're so unique. "Are we really wrong, to question your decision to attend college here? I think it's time for you to consider who this place is turning you into." She touches V's face with another of those icy love/fear/pain looks -- so effective! -- but it's like, if Vanessa is in the episode at all, somebody's going to say that phrase to somebody, and so I guess it was mom's turn. Gabriela leaves, and Vanessa feels horrible, and it's not even that fun to watch.

Vanessa Abrams is very fucking lonely, all the time.

Home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you

Dan drags Olivia back to the rents -- "Your parents hate me! I hate me!" she whispers, proving her adjustment to being Dan's girlfriend is well underway -- and when they approach, Rufus is like, "Maybe she's different when they're alone? Maybe she's totally different?" And finally he turns his head at Lily's throat-clearing, and there's much pretense at this not being awkward, and before Dan can explain how the three ladies got themselves all in a tizz and drove each other insane, Rufus says the cutest thing, he goes, "Dan, was that Blair on the PA? She really should have run that speech past someone!"

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Gossip Girl




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