Jenny enters reading from the ridiculous cover story in the NYU newspaper, which of course she reads: "...In just a few short months, freshman leader Vanessa Abrams has tackled numerous social and environmental issues..." Vanessa is sweetly geeky about it, and Dan is sweetly enthused, and Rufus is characteristically in need of exposition. "Oh, it's just a wildly flattering cover story on Vanessa in the NYU paper. It doesn't mean anything." Um, it means that out of about 50 million people at that school, one freshman is so effing special she gets the front page, is what it means. Which makes her pretty effing special. Dan calls her a "shoo-in" to give a toast at the Freshman Dinner on Parents' Weekend," and then Jenny asks Dan to borrow his astounding muscles so that he can, in a moment, walk ten steps carrying a dressform with like two fingers.
Vanessa explains to the ever-so-fascinated Rufus that she has received a call from the alumnus who decides on the toaster, Josh Ellis. "Supposedly it's between me and some other girl," she says, and bershons that she probably won't get it. Rufus tells her she has to invite her parents, and she reminds us that the Abramses are totally against private college: "Knowledge shouldn't be for sale," she reminds him. Well, after three years we were bound to agree on something. College is in fact a racket, intended to keep poor people poor and rich white people on top. "Sure, Arlo and Gabriela are progressive," Rufus says like it's something filthy, "But if they knew how much good you were doing at the school, I'm sure they'd come around." Because all you have to do is look at him cross-eyed and he'll flip, and he thinks that's parenting, you can't fault him for not understanding that people sometimes have convictions.
Vanessa's still rocking her stupid caveman hair, agreeing with Rufus that it would be "kind of amazing" if her parents came: "And, you know, actually approved of something I was doing. But whatever." That's right whatever. I can't believe her parents hate her as much as everybody else does. I mean, I can certainly believe it, because she's awful, but it's still pretty wonderful to hear. Rufus immediately tells her he and Dan will be there, but then Dan appears, to opt right out. Just tells Vanessa straight up he doesn't care about her big moment, because Olivia just got back from Japan. Rufus tells him to invite her, and Dan wonders if that is date etiquette because of the parents being there, but both Vanessa and Jenny urge him on because Olivia is so cool and laidback and special and into him. Jenny's hilarious: "Play the parent card. People like you more when they meet our family."