Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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All The Boys Think She's A Spy

Well, okay. Josh Ellis's coloration is pleasing. His skin, eyes and lips are on par with Carter Baizen. But that's all I will give him. He reminds Miss Waldorf that she's not giving the toast, and she offers to help him instead. "Simply put, Vanessa Abrams is a tired cliché from the 718. The preachy 'I Hate The Man' toast she no doubt has in mind won't inspire the kind of deep-pocket donations this school needs. You need a speaker more like... Well, me." Well done. Ellis assures her that she was never one of the two candidates, and that if Olivia hadn't agreed, he'd just go back to Vanessa.

"I will not be tolerated, and I will not be plotted against."

"Olivia wasn't planning on attending, but then luckily for everyone, her new boyfriend convinced her otherwise." Blair is grossed out, but overcomes her trepidation: "Yes, she is very famous... But she's a two-quadrant speaker! Is it smart to lose everyone over 25 on Parents' Weekend? Besides, actresses are notoriously unreliable..." Ellis interrupts her and tells her to get out of there.

Outside Ellis's office, Vanessa's elated to learn that her mother's coming after all; she jumps to her feet when Blair exits and attempts to get sassy. "Oh no, mm-mm, you are not trying to steal my toast." Blair gives a fake moue and explains about Olivia. "Poor Vanessa. Always the understudy, never the star." Vanessa's gobstopped, and Blair gives her a snotty little something the closed-caps accurately call a "singsongy grunt." Vanessa revels in the irony of having convinced Dan to bring Olivia, and Blair delights. "Did I overhear your long-absent mother is coming to hear you speak? Tragic." (You have no idea.)

Vanessa scrambles, assuring herself that if she tells Olivia how much it means to her, she'll acquiesce. Which, of course she will, so Blair must raise the bet: "Yeah, probably. Though, then again, she might not..." Vanessa shrugs it off, but she's not done: "I'm just saying, we all know Olivia loves the spotlight. She is an actress!" Blair smiles sweetly, and Vanessa decides to ask Dan not to bring her. "Another idea with some merit! See, that's where you and I are different. I would never put my fate in someone else's hands. And that's why I always win, and you lose. So good luck with your honesty! Maybe you and mom could take in a show instead." She Mean Girls away, smiling delightedly to herself, and Vanessa starts to freak.

The best song of the episode, "I'm In Love With Your Rock And Roll" by Kish Mauve, starts to play as we see a warehouse door open on Serena -- still in that damn dress -- and Nate standing there, looking well-dressed and disaffected, like their lives are in slow motion. What a perfect moment. They look at each other like hardcore rounders and head inside. Serena, needless to say, catwalks like a motherfucker all the way to the table. It's so super awesome.

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Gossip Girl

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