Will's like, "Thanks for the warning, kid. Twenty-three skidoo!" and grabs Serena and Lily, and they peace out that joint. Dan stares and watches them leave, because that's his entire level of participation in this scheme. The others run up like, "Where's Lily?" And Dan goes, "Oh, she just wandered away with her poisoner, into the night. Was I supposed to do something at some point?" GG laughably goes, "In this Family Feud, that's van der Woodsen 1, Humphrey 0!" Really? The vdDubs are up by a single point?

Eric's reading the internet when Will, Lily and S get home. First order of business: Everybody change into completely different outfits. Second order of business: Get in the car because we are taking a helicopter to Teterboro. Why? Because... Cell phones do not function once you hit Teterboro and thus nobody will ever find out that Lily is being poisoned by the person who did not fuck her husband. If Will can just get their entire family to Palm Beach before... anybody relates the facts to them... It's so stupid. I don't get this plan at all. Serena is like, "This is going to be the best thing that ever happened." Serena is having the most retarded day she's ever had. I still love her, but I finally understand why people want to smack the marbles out of her mouth all the time.

Oh my God, I forgot to tell you about the hair. Okay, Chuck's got super-duper Good Boy hair tonight, due to the sexy tuxedo. The other boys have their regular hair; Rufus and Nate's hair is maybe a little better than it has been lately. Eric's hair is gigantic on his tiny little head, like in a few weeks he will kind of look like Charles Dodgson. Jenny, though, something has happened there. She's got payess but like, it's like her weave has a weave, yo dawg I heard you like plastic hair-style. It's right up there with Vanessa's caveman hair, but like worse. These tendrils and curls that are vomiting each other all up. And then there's Serena's hair, which you know how it's kind of blowsy and NYLON magazine sexy-messy all of the time? There's an edge and she is walking it, this week. Cutting it real damn close.

Nate calls, but Serena does not answer the call because Nate is in big trubs. Dan calls immediately after, and S picks up on the second ring. Dan explains to her the entire fucked up story of this season, poison and fake-adultery and all of it, and Serena just hangs up in the middle, because she's having an adventure and she doesn't need all this exposition. Honey, the exposition hasn't even fuckin' started yet. You're going to wish it was just Dan being a good friend-brother-lover once the bullshit starts. S, though, a seed has been planted, and she asks Will if they can't just stay one more night because "people are saying [he's] behind this Holland thing," which is so vague that, even though he totally is behind all of the "Holland Things," you could still be like, "Serena, what are you talking about?"