Wouldn't you love it if Dan's first Sartre/Beauvoir letter was like, "Listen, I know you just left town yesterday and probably haven't even landed in Haiti, but guess what. You're gonna laugh... You know how you're like totally jealous of Serena, because I was in love with her for so long? And remember how I threatened you that leaving for three months would be the death of our relationship? And you were like, oh, I don't want to leave town because I love you and I was like, oh, just do whatever makes you feel free and then I forced you to say that you weren't staying for me, and then told you to go anyways? But in the back of your head you were thinking, he did flat-out warn me that there would be repercussions if I went to Haiti, because he likes having a girlfriend more than his girlfriend herself? Do I have a story to tell you! So Holland Kemble owed Will van der Woodsen a favor..."
Finale: In just a few hours! Major drama! Jenny maybe getting murdered! Georgina Sparks in disguise! Somebody punches possibly Blair in the face! Serena unhinges her jaw and eats the top half of Jenny Humphrey, while to Blair Waldorf go the legs and giblets! It is a witches' rave-up! A cannibal disco! A brunch feast for demons! A tribute to An Affair To Remember! All this and more! XOXO!
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