Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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L.Y.L.A.W.T.F.

Rufus appears and says needless words about why he is there: "Serena called me, but I was already on my way! I figured if my grounded daughter goes missing, I just have to wait till the next big party to know where to find her!" Jenny promises that she's trying to help him this time and it's not what it looks like. It never is, dear, but also: She's not trying to help him! She's trying to help his wife die!

So Rufus notes that Holland is there, and he wants to bug her some more about wah-wah why did you lie and say I fucked you, whine whine, and nobody wants that. At some point during all of this, Serena does an amazing move where she comes almost all the way down the stairs just so she can catch Nate's eye and then go whooshing back up the stairs. It's so effing dramatic, and so funny: Clomp-clomp-clomp, eye-roll, hair toss, back up the stairs again.

Okay, overall, she's mad because they're doing a scheme on her, but Nate particularly is in trouble because A) Jenny and Dan are not responsible here because they have Humphrey loyalties, which she understands, and B) Chuck and Blair are lunatics, so they can't be held responsible for their actions. But Nate, he's in trouble because he went behind her back even though as her boyfriend he is supposed to be always on her side. So even though they had a conversation about this, and she wandered away in the middle of it, her viewpoint is still the valid one. Which is sort of true? Because you don't have to date Serena, she's still going to be your friend. On the other hand, Will is like her crack right now, so she can't be trusted to actually make decisions. But you can't act like that's true, because it makes her nuts when you do that. So really, even though she's totally wrong on every level, the outcome is the same as though she's right.

More of the idea of Chuck and Blair menacing Holland while secretly getting free therapy for their fucked-up lives, but not actually that interesting in execution. Maybe they're as tired as we are. Chuck mentions the making out with the guy part, and Blair's like, "He kisses dudes anyway." Which I would say, "She fucked Uncle Jack anyway, also, so what's the problem." But it's good that I wasn't there, because that would just piss her off more. Anyway, they're boring. Finally Holland extricates herself, and that's when Chuck motions to Dan to engage a waiter in conversation, so that he can pretend it's a man from the AMA who like, I guess, is carrying a tray of champagne flutes as a gag or something.

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Gossip Girl

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