Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
L.Y.L.A.W.T.F.

Rufus follows Lily upstairs and goes, "I'm sorry! I had no idea she was an insane person!" Lily isn't interested in talking about the issue, because Holland and logic both say maybe she has a shot at getting out of being married to Rufus. She goes, "It'd be a lot easier to believe if you hadn't left your scarf in her apartment," which for some reason I find delightful. Delightful! Then Rufus essentially bases his entire argument on how even though Lily is a whore who would cheat on him in Santorini or any old place, he's a much better person than she is: "When you're ready to hear that and talk about it, give me a call," he says, and minces away. Who, honestly, who thinks like this?

Nate wanders into Serena's room, where she is taking the inevitable thousand scarves out of one receptacle and putting them into another, because that's honestly just what she does now: Packs and unpacks in different outfits. Nate points out that Rufus is A) Technically a nice guy and B) Nobody would fuck him, but Serena is not having it because she has to get herself all worked up and stay all worked up, because if she wishes hard enough she can make Rufus vanish and her father marry her mother magically in his place. So that's what she's doing this week. Nate points out that, additionally, A) Rufus let him move into the DUMBO loft, back when he was the East Side Squatter and B) Rufus was totally sweet and chill with Serena when she dropped out of the idea of college for no reason at all. Serena's like, she has had it with Nate's slow-moving inexorable logic, so she purses her lips and bounces. Those scarves can wait.

Jenny, awesomely: "I still don't see why we need Blair for this. I mean, don't you read Gossip Girl? Extortion's what I do all day!" Chuck says you need Blair for extorting grownups, and Blair appears on her banister and yells at them to fuck off, they're not ruining her big date that she's been getting ready for this whole time. Chuck explains that something's up with Lily's pills and her "mind game mastery" is essential, and she's like, "Who are you, House?" and he says it's a shrink that gave her these pills, not Dr. van der Woodsen, doctor of Illness, and Jenny goes, "It's weird, right? Lily so does not seem like she's in therapy." Which, word, but that's kind of like the eyeshadow calling the mascara anorexic, and Blair says the word fatwa, and I'm not recapping any more scenes where she says that word, because it was already retarded before this week. Blair's not helping, bottom line, no matter how much Charlie loves Lily, because she has her Cameron date today and also because don't fucking bring Jenny Humphrey into her house and then ask for a fucking favor.

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Gossip Girl

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