Gossip Girl
Father & The Bride

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A
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So the mastermind goes back from being Maureen to being Tripp. Eh, you win some, you lose some. I still love Tripp. I'll still be the Franco to his Tveit any day of the week. To be perfectly honest, the fact that he has now tried to kill everyone on this show at least once through vehicular wrongdoing, when he's not chucking them into the Hudson? Not a dealbreaker in the least. He's got initiative and he's got a plan. You can't say that about a lot of guys.

PANCHITO'S

Chuck: "Fuck is this? What kind of a party could this be?"
Cavalia: "Ain't no party like a Beatrice party, 'cuz a Beatrice party gives you the Hep."

Sluts Outside: "A priest in a bar? Kinky."
Cavalia, channeling Jeremy Irons: "You have no idea."

Blair comes pushing out of the place, somehow having missed the priest as he was walking in, and suddenly she's hitting up the random slut for a joint. Shit just got real! Don't you feel like you're watching the show from before? She sticks the J in her mouth, the slut goes off to find a match, and then who should arrive but two policemen she assumes are strippers -- especially after checking out the badge of the one whose last name is Weiner. [Note: This is one Post-it away from being vaguely plagiarized from Sex and the City, but whatever, it's fun! -- RS.]

She continues to be fucking amazing throughout everything in the world that is happening. It's the giffiest scene that ever Tumbld. You kind of have to see it for yourself.

Anyway, in short order she has: Offered the cop some of her joint, investigated his penis and gone for his gun. Say what you will about the NYPD, but it's pretty classy that he doesn't do anything until that last part, and then she's getting cuffed and the people are all taking photos and she's still giggling because getting cuffed is fine with her.

The second Dan arrives, though, Blair sobers the fuck up and realizes what's going on. They take her off, Chuck runs up and Dan cutely tries to find a way to pin this on him.

PRECINCT

Dan finds Beatrice paying Blair's bail; a fully sober and deeply enraged Blair comes out just then, looking perfect and shrieking.

Blair, verbatim: "You royal bitch! You paid that girl to give me a joint and tipped of the police that I was outside with it because you wanted to humiliate me in the eyes of the world! What next, Photoshopped nude pics? A dead body in my bed?"

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