Beatrice: "I guess I can do without the male strippers and penis cake if I must."
Blair, awesomely: "Wonderful."
She runs off to punch herself in the nuts a couple times, and Beatrice sits there at the table being gross some more.
GOOSIP GIRL FAKE DATE
Dan: "The coffee in Brooklyn is soooo much better than coffee in other places."
Serena: "Dating you is always so much fucking fun."
Dan: "Did you ever finish your blog that you are always finishing?"
Serena: "I learned to read and then I wrote about how all of my relationships suffered under the microscope of Gossip Girl, but now that she is gone they are flourishing."
Dan: "Yeah, fake flourishing."
Ouch! Serena makes a hilarious/sad face at that. I love this fake-dating story, actually. Poor fuckin' Serena all the time.
Dan: "Should you really be talking shit about Gossip Girl where she can hear you?"
Serena: "Yeah, Nate talked me into it. He always has such well-thought-out ideas that won't blow up in my face. It's not like he's secretly working against me with her. Oh, and PS, that article is obviously about you. I am taking my pretend relationship with you almost as far as Blair's doing with the Lord."
Dan: "Overlooking the trap that is clearly closing around us all, I can say that fake-dating the Lana Del Rey of the Upper East Side is doing wonders for my ridiculous literary career."
Serena: "We are the literary It Couple of the new millennium, this is great! How can you say that's fake? How."
Dan: "We have fun, don't we."
Blair: "Dear Priest Guy, these are my sins. I kicked a lady for wearing too much perfume, which Diddy has said is wrong. Oh, and I keep having these dreams about somebody that is not the Prince of Monaco."
Priest: "You better fucking me talking about Dan."
Blair: "Nope! Chuck, duh. Always."
Priest: "Again with this, my child? You need to fucking pull yourself together."
Blair: "Listen, thanks for being here for me. I'm just glad you're not that sexy priest who was secretly fucking Beatrice like a million episodes ago."
Priest Who Now Clearly Is That Guy Cavalia, Pretending To Be American: "Father Cavalia's not so bad, is he?"
Blair: "He's evil, Father. Through and through. Would you just please be my royal advisor instead? I need a priest that will do what I say."
Father: "Ugh. Just go do some prayers or something."