Serena climbs onto a hot dog stand that is right there in the church.
Serena: "Daniel Humphrey! This grand gesture is for you!"
Dan: "Please don't do this. I understand that this show is, and has been for some time, pretty much just about humiliating you and turning Blair into a mentally damaged shrew, but this is too much even for me. Your greatest enemy."
Serena: "To quote Blair Waldorf in wildly different circumstances, I LOVE YOU, DAN HUMPHREY! ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL!"
Dan: "This is just getting gross."
Serena: "Hush, my prince! I must away! Consider your reply carefully, for you will only have seventy-four more chances to return my feelings!"
Dan: "No, girl. I don't..."
Serena: "-- I must away!"
Nate: "Lola! I have investigated you and discovered everything about your entire life, except for the fact that you are Serena's cousin."
Lola: "Really? Because my name is Charlotte Rhodes. You'd think that name would ring a fuckin' bell."
The couple of the hour takes to the dancefloor.
Princess Blair Cornelia Waldorf Grimaldi: "Listen, thanks for marrying me after the weeks and weeks of intense bullshit I put you through. It's tough being in love with sixteen people simultaneously."
Prince Louis Frederic Grimaldi: "Ain't no thang."
Blair: "No, I mean it. A lot of guys would have balked once I got myself knocked up by another man, and then ran off with him at our wedding shower, or kept disappearing into the night with another another man, or..."
Louis: "No, I mean it literally ain't. Remember how I have no stable personality traits and frequently twist on a dime in ways that make no sense?"
Blair: "I have a bad feeling about this..."
Louis: "Well, for my next trick, I become your whoremaster! That's right, we're married until I say so, and you're my trophy wife, and I don't love you at all. Turns out my mom was right and this really is just a business transaction. Think of yourself as chattel."
Blair: "I have the unmitigated fucking balls to be insulted by this."
Louis: "Oh for real? Because it's basically exactly what you signed on for."
Blair: "And yet."
IN THE MATTER OF CREEP V. CREEP
Blair goes running off into the night, calling somebody to whine about this latest development in her self-perpetrated nightmare of a life. But who is it? Chuck comes speeding back to the reception for like the fifth time. Meanwhile, Serena can't find Dan anywhere, probably because she just pulled a total Humphrey on him...